So tired.

  November 2nd, 2011 by TiredMesh

So tired of hearing I was brainwashed by the childrens aids, by my cousins, that if I wanted to move out at 16, I should have no help from anyone…That’s all I wanted, some help, before I find it’s too late. Because my home was hell, but I returned got molested inside my home, and watched my father piss himself from alcoholism, while my mother accumulated animals and clutter over clutter.

Now I’m 24, being told I’m weak, a failure. I mutilate myself for a reason, stopped for the longest time too, but couldn’t take it anymore. Now I’m on Disability for anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder. And I foolishly fell in love with someone…I live in fecal matter, and urine from 30 dogs, people started telling me they can smell it from outside the house. I want to skin my epidermis of all the filth just to get back my worth. I can’t take it anymore. I wish I had a gun for a fast way out. My body has fully stopped handling stress, I have no energy anymore, even for simple walks to a corner store. My best friend is giving up on me too…

I escape to my boy friend’s just to come back here, and want to hang myself.

I’m not human, I’m a disabled dog living in everyones filth.

I think jumping off a bridge is a good start.

Scratch that, I’m going to slit my throat.

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