This is just all too much

  November 11th, 2011 by slut.failure.justme

When I was in the 7th grade my brother was sent away for therapy because he was dealing with alot of problems (ocd, tourettes, drug/alch abuse). In the 8th grade I started to feel neglected and hated by my parents, so i started cutting after every fight we had, which turned into coming home from school every day to cut my self. I stopped for a while, but then relapsed in the 9th grade. When this happened, i told my dad i was depressed and really considered killing myself and that i needed therapy. He said okay, and never brought it up again. After that I stopped cutting for a good year. This brings us to present day. I am a sophmore in highschool and recently just relapsed on cutting and have started to burn myself. I feel like the pain will go away if i do this but then afterwards i feel very ashamed. I want help but i really dont want to put my family through this.

Lately I’ve been sexually promiscuous. I was with this guy for a while who persuaded me to give him head every time–no strings attached, but then he just left me out in the cold and doesnt talk to me–EVER. So then I just lost my virginity to this guy who just used me. I told my friends about the whole blowjob things (not the sex DEAR LORD WHAT THEY WOULD SAY IF THEY KNEW) and now they are calling me sloppy and slutty. Worst of all, one of my best friends is blaming her drunk driving fiasco on ME. WTF.

No one cares, no one listens. I feel so alone. I realize that i shouldnt be putting myself out there for guys to use me, but they legitimately felt right, like they were the ones. All they wanted was a one night stand.

I’ve cut myself. I told my friends. They didn’t care. I have cuts going all down my neck. No one cares. They just judge me.

I hate to feel like the only solution is to kill myself but i truly do. The major aspects of my life (friends, family, love, and school) suck and are all WAYY past repair. I can’t stop cutting. And my mom yelling at me calling me a ***** through my door right now really isn’t helping. I don’t know how much more of this i can take. Help me please.

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