Tonight’s the night I guess…

This isn’t some impulse decision spurred on by some recent tragedy or whatever. I’ve given this plenty of thought over the last two years and this is really what I want. So I’m sitting here at some library 60 miles from my house getting everything ready (I decided that when I did this, I didn’t want to spend my last moments at or near my home) and since I’ve come here every so often to read other people’s stories, I thought I might as well post something here. Not really sure why, I spent most of the last few years dreading the thought of communicating my actual feelings to anyone, but I guess…well I don’t know, I think I just need to talk to someone, even if this “talk” is just kind of one sided since my time on this computer’s limited and the internet on my phone sucks (I can see this webpage, but it doesn’t support javascript or flash so I won’t be able to comment back). I’m pretty shitty with words, so I’d rather pour my feelings or…whatever these words represent out here rather than in a note, since I’d rather not have my last thoughts critisized by anyone I actually know.

So why am I doing this? Well…to put it simply for the last couple of years I’ve just been living a lie and I can’t really bring myself to own up to anything. Yeah, that’s pretty cryptic, but despite the anonymity this site grants me, I’m finding it difficult to actually express myself truly.

Everyone who knows me for who I am openly acknowledges that I’m a shitty person and…fuck…like I said, I’m terrible with words. There’s so much I wanted to write here, but my mind’s drawing a blank…well fuck it, thanks for reading I guess.