People always say that its going to be o.k. that pretty soon everything will go back to “normal”… Well what is normal? Â Since everyones normal is different i’m not even sure what my normal is…being happy sometimes it’s effortless and sometimes it just feel’s like a role i’m forced to play so that everyone around me doesn’t have to ask why i’m down again..
I wish i knew when thing’s would start being “normal” again.. i tried to kill myself almost three months ago and i still don’t feel like myself i feel like i’m just going through the motions.. people ask me what i’m doing these days and how i’m feeling… and every time i just want to yell at them and ask” you want to know how i’m really feeling? i tried to kill myself i had a complete break down and i still feel like i’m drowning!” Â Not a lot of people understand and that’s o.k. but I just wish my mom could act more like a mother for once in her life and not make it all about her and how all this has affected her. Â My whole life it’s been about her and trying to make sure she’s ok well now i’m not ok and i just need her to help me by at least standing in my corner and backing me up with some sort of notion that it really is going to get better and maybe one day i’ll start feeling ok again.
I lost my baby a month before this all happened, I was depressed for months before I found out I was pregnant. Â When me and my boyfriend found out I was scared but I also felt a happiness i hadn’t felt in a long time. Â My baby Sam I loved you and even though I’ll never get to see your face or get to tell you how much I love you I do. Â When I saw you on the ultrasound for the first time I knew that I wanted you and that it wasn’t going to be easy but very often the best thing’s in life aren’t. Â When they couldn’t find your heart beat on my second ultrasound my heart was broken. Â I’ve been told that it’s a miracle in disguise and that maybe it was a mixed blessing. Â Maybe it was but right now it doesn’t seem that way.
6 comments
Normal is a setting on a washing machine.
Sexist comments really? Or are you trying to say that nobody is normal?
Why would anyone see the comment as sexist ?
The Phrase, ……. Normal is a setting on a washing machine …….. is just a saying that some people use when responding to others that ask what id normal.
It was only meant as a funny retort hoping to deliver a smile to you.
Yes it was meant to say no one is normal in todays world, lol.
You really should count your blessings. A kid would have grown up in mediocre conditions, and you would never get a job better than a cashier at Walmart. Also, over half of fertilized eggs don’t produce children. You’ll have plenty of other chances to be a mother, and you can still be successful too.
It’s true, ‘normal’ is a setting on a washing machine, more to the point, it’s a setting I rarely use. I’m sorry you mother is being self centred, would it help to get some distance from her, if she is not being very understanding? And… can you try to have another baby?