December 8th, 2011 by Noodle12

I don’t understand what’s going on in my life this week. I have a lot to tell.

On Tuesday my parents decided that because I’m doing shitty in math (like 30%), I no longer have an Xbox. I was having a wonderful day until I got home and they threw that on me, I gave myself the motivation to ask out a girl I liked the next day. Suffice to say after that evening I didn’t do that the next day.

Today I told her she looked pretty, she sorta stared at me and awkwardly thanked me, I felt awful after, I don’t think she likes me the way I like her. And after which I got into this huge train of thought about how the hell I’m going to ask her out now or do anything later, she’s super quiet and we don’t connect. But she’s beautiful and I already love her.

I fall in love too easily.

After that, I was told I was suspended next thursday because the substitute teacher in math is a douche. When I got in the car and told my parents, my mom just said, “What is wrong with you?”, and didn’t even turn around to look at me. I started bawling.

I came home today and took a nap. I’ve been doing that the past few days, I just come home and cry myself to sleep. There’s something wrong with me, I’m doing shitty in school and I’m really fucking depressed. I don’t understand one bit of it. Right now I just want to fucking sleep for a week, I’m sick of being awake. I’m more suicidal than usual, I have a way to kill myself and I’ve been preparing things the last few days just in case. I don’t want to, but I’m going to go insane otherwise and potentially hurt more people. I won’t, that’s an exaggeration. But I’m scared. I want someone to tell me I’m okay, but that would be a lie too.

 

I honestly don’t know why I’m even posting this here or thinking about everything too much, I’m just really fucked in every way right now. I hope someone can understand what I’m trying to get across.

Processing your request, Please wait....