im just a few weeks from my 17th birthday….and im honsetly not sure if i’ll make it to see it. i’ve cut myself since i was 11, and i feel that i’ve NEVER been understood. when i wake up in the morning, i feel like God is punishing me even more, and he does’t even hear my prayers. im sick of life, and im sick of playing happy. i want to die! i want to be successful in my attempts! i’ve failed at overdosing, hanging and drowning….but i refuse to taint cutting, by slitting my wrists….cutting has been my only faithful compainion. im plotting killing myself now, and it sucks that i have to plan it around all the upcoming holidays! my bday is christmas and i dont want my family to be reminded that i offed myself at this time of year….nice of me right? this is supposed to be about me finally getting peace, and im still thinking about them….hopefully it will all be over in march….im sick of living a lie. im sick of Gods “gift” called life!!
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well i guess the first step to feeling slightly better is the realization that god is fictional. And anyway, why would you wanna be friends with a god as portrayed in the bible… Vindictive, jealous and destructive… Yea he seems like a nice guy to follow…
i say this from the standpoint of an ex-‘believer’ myself. Why continue a belief system if it doesn’t work for you? Buddhism has much more practical ideals, but being a monk might be going a bit far…
It may be better for you to believe in yourself and someone who has actually supported you than a theorized higher power.
Seems like some of your pain stems from the fact this being will not ease your suffering.
Is your family religous?
Have you let them know how you are feeling?
Is there a counselor at school or some objective person you can speak to?
We will listen but I think you need someone actually there with you to give you some help.
Death is the end to all.
Pain and joy.
It is not a decision to be made lightly especially if you are looking for understanding.
my and God have an on and off relationship….i do doubt his sometimes, but its been instilled in me from the time i was born from a militant and religous family.
and i know death is something serious, and i want it. ive thought about from the time i was 11 and i feel that ive already suffered enough. ive tried to dig the pain out with my razor blades, but i can never seem to get deep enough. and now that my body is running out of places to cut, i feel that my time is running out.
this world would be a much better place without me.