just my luck

I want to kill myself so badly I’ve tried before but my dad stopped me I wish he hadn’t. It would be so easy to do it the second time around, just slit my wrist right down the middle and bleed out completely numb and finally at peace. But I feel like, with my luck, as soon as I kill myself I’ll get accepted into the school I want James will finally fall in love with me but it will be too late because I’m dead and I’ll get called in for a interview for this job I want. But if I don’t kill myself everything will stay the way it is and I’ll be empty in lonely with a constant drowning feeling in my every waking moment…. I’m ranting. Anyways I really do have dreams and hopes and goals and they all can be achieved but it would be done begrudgingly because in the end all I really want is to die. But for now I guess I’ll just cry, tear flesh, and bleed.