December 7th, 2011 by confused

Irritated I guess.

My ex has been spreading around that I’m fucking suicidal. which I AM. But it’s not like anybody else ever knew it, or could guess it. It’s just that suicide has bad connotations that I don’t ever want anyone in RL to know.

I don’t remember if I ever told him I was suicidal, but I do remember telling him that I was depressed, and that I’ve cut. So yeah, curse my failing memory. Still though, it’s kind of irritating that fucker had to tell people. And he’s been spreading around that I still love him and shit. Which is damn annoying. Because we only went out for three months. And it’s been two years. And I’m emotionally constipated. So chances are, I probably didn’t understand anything for that three months. And I can honestly say, if that was love, it was long gone by now. Now there’s just irritation.

I get this image in my head where if I ever DO commit suicide, everyone will be thinking “it’s because of him” and I’ll be irritated about it because I’d be all, “You don’t warrant that much impact on my life to be considered something worth dying for.” It makes me almost want to live, just to spite him. Or well, I’m just irritated, because it’s not something I want to be spread, even if it’s true. Because it just sucks.

Sorry, I needed to vent it out, and this was the only place I could think of.

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