Some days are great. I go through the day without thinking about it. Then, reality hits. Suicide.
I had always been one of those “happy-go-lucky” people on the outside. I was the joker that people hung around to get a good laugh. But within the past month, I was hit with the thought of death, and how the world might be without me.
Sometimes, it’s like I don’t care about anything, anymore. Sometimes, it’s like I don’t feel anything anymore. And the worst feeling in the world… is not feeling anything anymore. Doesn’t make sense? Welcome to my life. Hopelessness.
My biggest fear…. is that one day I won’t be afraid to take my life anymore. That one day, I won’t have any part of me left to hold onto. That one day, I’ll be fearless…
2 comments
I completely agree. I always have a ‘plan’ in mind, and every time things get bad, I’m tempted to execute my ‘plan.’ But I can never completely go through with it. Deep down inside, something is stopping me. I can’t do it and I get so upset that I can’t go through with it, that I’m kinda scared. I have the exact same fear. But we just have to hang on and hope that someday, somehow, things will get better =)
i know what you mean. one day that tiny thing that keeps me here, suddenly won’t be. and the next thing i know i’ll be bleeding out. and i’ll wonder how it happened. i think the inevitable fearlessness is one of the most scary things.