I dont know where i will be gone from here. From this place that only brings tragics my way. I do nothing. Completely nothing. I have no respect for myself. I dont have self-confidence. I dont even have the will to live anymore. Where will i go? Who would be there. My life has no valueable meaning. I really dont understand why im here. Why im typing this. Or who would respond. I guess being depress you could get lonely. Broken. Or tear you to shreds. I have no path that i could walk down on. Broken glass with shatter memories. Cuts on the bottom of my feet as i try to find my way. But im stuck. Very stuck. I have no map to guide my way. I have no person to tell me which direction i should go. What lies beneth me? What would my future be? Who would be there when i need someone the most? I can’t even find a good enough reason to keep on living? My friends?Family?Boyfriend? Could that be enough.Could i be enough? To save my own life.
5 comments
You have a chance to make it out if you keep fighting because you have personal connections in your life. Those connections can be a welcoming distraction when things aren’t going well, and an affirmation that people genuinely care about you because they choose to stick around. They can help you until you seek help and realize you’re worth living for. 🙂
If you want to take your mind off your worries for a bit, watch the documentary Kymatica on YouTube. It talks about why we’re here etc. It is not based on religion, but more or less theories using scientific research etc.
I wish I could help with the self esteem part but I can’t. I allow people to use me and treat me like shit, so I can’t be of much assistance in that department.
I don’t understand.?
Even if people do try to help i know i would never change my mind. Support or not i could possible not change my mind. I want out i really do. But i never even leave my house except if someone offers me to go to the store or if its school. I stop visting my friends house. And like they vist me anyways. Now im stuck here typing this and help cook for the christmas dinner tomorrow which i dont want to but its better than nothing really.
I remember when I was 18 I went through a pretty tough depression. Reading Suicidekillme’s post reminded me so much of that time. I had just graduated high school and I moved with my parents about 400 miles away from my hometown, where I had lots of good friends, a great job, my sisters… Suddenly I had NOTHING. It was awful. I stayed in my room for like two weeks, just going out for food and to sulk around town handing in job applications, which, I was sure, were promptly thrown in the trash. My parents were concerned but they worked a lot and I’d been depressed before, so they thought it was just a down cycle for me. But it was definitely one of my lowest lows. So my dad asked his secretary to invite me sailing on her boyfriend’s catamaran with her and some friends. I didn’t want to go, I would feel so out of place and like some sort of sympathy case. But my dad kind of guilted me into it–being someone from his new job and all. I ended up going and falling off the catamaran into the ocean and making a compete ass out of myself, but they were so nice to me and made me feel so normal and welcome. Just getting out into the water, (I love the water), and being able to laugh at myself really snapped me out of my funk. I learned that day that if can’t laugh at myself and if I take myself too seriously and dwell on my shortcomings and all the negativity in my life, I run the risk of falling into a depression. I try really hard not to do that anymore because, as the great Oscar Wilde said, “Life is to important to be taken seriously.” If you think about it, laughing at life and all the shit it throws at you is the ultimate fuck you. Fuck you, life. You are just a laughable bunch of shit. Yeah, like that.