I never ever have been afraid of death but when I think about me killing myself I get scared of the pain. I don’t want to go through ANY pain… And I don’t want my mom to drop outta school cuz of it. So I might just snap one day and end up running away.
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Your mom will be sad as well if you run away.
Does she know of your feelings?
Have you poured your heart out to her?
Seems like you want a solution.
And talking to your mom, a counselor, or someone whom you can trust is the first step.
Sharing your thoughts here was turning in the direction of your first step.
There are relatively painless methods, but it may be prudent for you to focus on how to find support for you to heal.
Yes actually I have talked to my mom about these feelings, and the doctor, but she never made all my other appointments for the therapist I need to go too. She says she’s “too busy” which is a bunch of bull. She thinks it’s better because for a little bit of time it was actually better, she doesn’t know that they are coming back. Noone does.