For most of my childhood and adult life I have had enjoyable and pleasant dreams, however for the past twenty years I have not had one single good dream. I was told that I was probably having “good” dreams but forgetting them by the time I got out of bed. Ten years ago, I bought a small tape recorder and put it on the head of my bed so the moment that I woke up from a pleasant dream I could just reach up and grab it and record what I had dreamed.
I can tell you that for the past ten + years I have not had one single happy dream. Every one has left me frustrated and unhappy. The plot or story of my dreams changes but the results are always the same. Whatever and wherever I am, I am usually running after someone trying to catch them but before I do some barricade or physical structure seems to get in my way that I cannot get around or over.Â Yes, I can see the connection between my real life and dreams.
I was divorced, unwillingly, over twenty years ago and 90% of my dreams seem to revolve around or in the house that I was living in at the time. I have long since, consciously moved past the divorce but evidently somewhere in my subconscious alleged mind, I have not.Â I can not describe how frustrating it is to wake up every morning with the same type of ending to a dream. I can be an exciting secret agent or just a regular Joe, the dream can start off optimistic but always leaves me frustrated.
I do not know if it is this suicide project site or just good luck on my part but I finally had one enjoyable dream last night. That really picks up my spirits. The dream involved an “R” rated version of me as a teenager with a beautiful older aunt (that never existed) and some “second base” hanky-panky.Â It was a great dream and I was not chasing after anything for a change.Â Wow!!!
This project is the most therapeutic thing that I have experienced in twenty years. Shrinks have not helped, medication has done nothing, but this place, that allows me to finally vent has been great for me. Thanks to everyone for all the great posts and comments.
I should point out that I have not changed my basic plan since that isÂ money and health driven in addition to me being older than dirt, but it will be nice to catch The last train to Clarksville with a smile on my face.