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Troubling Dreams.

by deadright

For most of my childhood and adult life I have had enjoyable and pleasant dreams, however for the past twenty years I have not had one single good dream. I was told that I was probably having “good” dreams but forgetting them by the time I got out of bed. Ten years ago, I bought a small tape recorder and put it on the head of my bed so the moment that I woke up from a pleasant dream I could just reach up and grab it and record what I had dreamed.

I can tell you that for the past ten + years I have not had one single happy dream. Every one has left me frustrated and unhappy. The plot or story of my dreams changes but the results are always the same. Whatever and wherever I am, I am usually running after someone trying to catch them but before I do some barricade or physical structure seems to get in my way that I cannot get around or over.  Yes, I can see the connection between my real life and dreams.

I was divorced, unwillingly, over twenty years ago and 90% of my dreams seem to revolve around or in the house that I was living in at the time. I have long since, consciously moved past the divorce but evidently somewhere in my subconscious alleged mind, I have not.  I can not describe how frustrating it is to wake up every morning with the same type of ending to a dream. I can be an exciting secret agent or just a regular Joe, the dream can start off optimistic but always leaves me frustrated.

I do not know if it is this suicide project site or just good luck on my part but I finally had one enjoyable dream last night. That really picks up my spirits. The dream involved an “R” rated version of me as a teenager with a beautiful older aunt (that never existed) and some “second base” hanky-panky.  It was a great dream and I was not chasing after anything for a change.  Wow!!!

This project is the most therapeutic thing that I have experienced in twenty years. Shrinks have not helped, medication has done nothing, but this place, that allows me to finally vent has been great for me. Thanks to everyone for all the great posts and comments.

I should point out that I have not changed my basic plan since that is  money and health driven in addition to me being older than dirt, but it will be nice to catch The last train to Clarksville with a smile on my face.



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lucy4 12/30/2011 - 10:50 pm

Dreams are, by far, my most interesting experiences within a 24 hour period. I don’t know if there’s any correlation between being awake and the adventures I experience sprawled out, dead to the world.
The mind never shuts down, even when you’re sleeping. I’m glad you’re having good dreams, and if it helps you out In Real Life= Great.

qrsdawg 12/30/2011 - 11:21 pm

I don’t know about my dreams … but I do know that since I began planning my exit as a real and viable solution – much of my stress and tension has melted away. perhaps now that you can envision a “future” – even if it is a bus trip – it has released something in your subconscious that allows your dreams to progress. Either way – good times with a hot busty aunt is ALWAYS a good thing (since she never existed, the incest is forgivable HA)

Have a great night dreaming tonight WooHoo 😀


deadright 1/2/2012 - 3:12 pm

Dawg. How do you put the smiley faces in your post?

BTW. Well it looks like my busty aunt was a one-night-stand and now I am back to the same old
shit dreams. Oh well, it was fun for one night, besides I am only looking at a week to ten days
time frame here. And you are right, final planning and adjustments do take away a lot of the stress.
It has given me a pleasant anticipation of something I am not afraid of, and actually look forward to.

deadright 12/31/2011 - 8:28 am

Dawg, have you been reading my mind? How did you know that my dream aunt was busty? Hahaha.

qrsdawg 12/31/2011 - 8:42 am

LMAO – the only reason someone goes straight for “some “second base” hanky-panky” – is because auntie has noticeable fun-bags 😀

solitarywalker 12/31/2011 - 12:21 pm

just reading this…. 😀 really you guys? really?

qrsdawg 12/31/2011 - 1:13 pm

Hey there youngin! … we’re a couple of old, cranky, medicated, geezers on the edge! … we kept it “PG”! … what more do ya want?! sheesh!

lol 😉


solitarywalker 12/31/2011 - 1:26 pm

you dont have to keep it pg, I’ve been watching R’s sense i was six

qrsdawg 12/31/2011 - 1:44 pm

Maybe not – but us older gentlemen understand that in mixed company – a modicum of respect and conservation are appropriate … you know “old dawg/new tricks” thing 😉

It’s hard to ‘break” us of good old-fashioned habits … but feel free to “run tat dream movie’ in your own mind with whatever images you see fit 😀

(old) dawg

qrsdawg 12/31/2011 - 1:45 pm

*that … not “tat”

solitarywalker 12/31/2011 - 2:35 pm

ah grandpa dawg, I’m just here to keep you in line…how ever hard that may be

qrsdawg 12/31/2011 - 2:40 pm

Ha – Good Luck with that! Bless your heart child 🙂 I guess we’ll have to keep each other in line 😉

GP dawg

solitarywalker 12/31/2011 - 2:41 pm

i guess so

TheGoodGirl 12/31/2011 - 3:02 pm

Ahhh! I always have really weird, vivid dreams. A lot of them are bad. I’m glad you finally had a good one, deadright. I had this crazy one last night, you seem to be good at deciphering dreams, what do you think this means..
I was my living room with two strange people that I’ve never met before. It was a guy and a girl. There was this plastic bowl that had eggs in it (already cracked eggs, liquid, no shells) and I dumped it over the guy’s head and said, “Now who has egg on their face?” He said something back to me threateningly, can’t remember what, and I ran out into my kitchen. The girl was the one who chased after me. We did a dance around the kitchen table. You know, like the one you always see in movies, one side to the other trying to confuse the other person. I was wearing socks so I couldn’t get the proper traction I wanted so I could run away. I took off down a hallway and turned into a room, the girl was right behind me, I grabbed her and shoved her into a door 3 times so I could get enough time to get away. I ran into my room and shut the door and locked it. But the lock wouldn’t work and she was able to push it open slightly. I ended up closing it and sliding a book shelf in front of the door. Then it seemed like she gave up and all I could focus on was my heavy breathing. Then I woke up.
I can’t figure out what it means. It must mean I’m running away from a problem, I guess. I’m not sure.

deadright 1/2/2012 - 3:01 pm

It is a lot easier to interpret your own dreams when you have your whole life to look back on.
I am not sure that you can put a meaning on every single detail of a dream since often subconsciously
we change the meaning of something that actually happened to fit better what we want. Of course, it can go the opposite
way and subconsciously we try to punish ourselves. But then again there is a third possibility, and that is we are so “F”ed up
mentally that our dreams do not have any meaning. I have been thru all three stages.
Of all the things that I have lost in life, I miss my mind the most. (sad but true) LOL.

Dawg 1/2/2012 - 3:35 pm


type these without spaces:

: ) = 🙂
; ) = 😉
: ( = 🙁

I’m sure there are plenty others but I don’t know them

As for “Auntie”? Women – go figure

I find that having my confident plan changes my sense of urgency an I don’t feel quite so trapped … unfortunately my situation hasn’t gotten much better either.

@GG – I think your dream means – you’ve done a good job preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse 😉


deadright 1/4/2012 - 6:33 am

Let us not forget that if any part of the bible is true, that probably means that Jesus will be the King of the Zombies and not King of the Jews. There will be so many Zombies resurrected that the place will really stink and since they will be immortal, the stink will last for a long time. It would probably be a good idea to invest in Glade Air Fresheners. 😉
Pardon the gallows humor.

TheGoodGirl 1/2/2012 - 3:48 pm

“Of all the things that I have lost in life, I miss my mind the most.” Mark Twain. lol Definitely sad but true. ;[

Lmao, dawg. I have also had zombie dreams, and I kicked some serious zombie ass. 😉

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