Wilting violet wants to die

Hello all, first apologizies for any typos, as am writing on my ipod. Anyway, well, I guess what brought me to this site is how sad and hopeless i feel. I’ve been struggling with depression since the age of 5; that was when I first had suicidal thoughts. My parents neglected meto the point of abandonment. After my father severely abused me, my mom and siblings we fled to my grandmother’s care. We were better but still faced poverty, hunger and chaos; along with my grandma lived my gangbanger cousin who brought drugs, sex and violence into our home and a schitzophrenic uncle who was insane. I was bounced around from school to school due to bullying until 8th grade when I met my best friend who was popular and protected me from the other students. Sophomore year of high school she moved away and the bullying continued. Meanwhile my family sunk into further disfunction. I was miserable throughout high school until I found an outlet at the end of junior year. I began making friends outside of school and discovered i had a talent for writing. I di better in school, put myself through community college, found the love of my life and transfered to and graduated from a prestigious university. But after I graduated I became very depressed after coming home and living with my family. My little sister revealed she had been molested numerous times by several people as a child. I was devestated. My relationship suffered. I couldn’t find work. My boyfriend brokeup with me, telling me he didnt want to deal with me , he didn’t like me, never loved me and didn’t want to see me ever again. I was hurt and began a spiral of alcoholism and sleeping around to numb my pain. Over the summer I was dated raped by a friend and contracted genital warts. I’m so ashamed. I tried killing myself 2 days ago but the razor was too dull. I’ve locked myself n my room and haven’t spoken to anyone since. I feel uselss; I can neer have a normal life, no one will ever want to be wih a diseased whore. I’m so sad and feel like giving up.