let me start by saying, i tried to kill myself in 2003 byÂ slitting my wrists, i made a mistake of doing it outside and i made such a scene that i was found before i couldÂ end what i hadÂ started (pity).I have never spoken to any of my friendsÂ about that night.The only person who knows what happened is me so i hope i press publish (WhichÂ will be aÂ big momentÂ for meÂ ).Roll forward to 2012 and the battle inside is in full flow.I havent had a job since 2003 either which hasnt helped me (i have something wrong with me which makes it nearly impossible for anyone to employ me).Ive already decided on a date and place for the end however im gonna have one more lastÂ throw of the dice of life.There isnt one thing that has set me off, its more too many things in my life areÂ gone and its taken alittle part of me with it each time.It was new years eve couple of days ago and out of the 9 new years since my failed attempt, ive spent every single one on my own.On the outside everything seems to be fine with me but inside im fighting, i amÂ losing the war slowly but surely.Most of my friends have got kids or are married, they are settled and all that, so i cant go to them about myÂ problems cause they have their own life’s to live and anyways, i dont wannaÂ bother them.Everyone seams to be so happy compared to me!.Im sorry if this post is all over the place, im just throwing out my feelings however they come out.My life is the same crap everyday, day in and day out.I go to sleep crying and wake up crying.Theres no one for me to hold, no one for me to cuddle, no one toÂ keep warm, no one to cry/laugh/smile/talkÂ withÂ and i dont believe there ever will be.I dont have the chance to meet new people or a girlfriend.One more chance…………….
Hey, it sounds like you are carrying a terrible burden, all on your own here, and I know it’s really tiring and exhausting. If you can’t talk to your friends about it, try a councillor… or keep venting here… either way you can’t keep all this bottled up.
PS. yes all my friends are getting married and having kids now too… guess that’s what turning 30 is about. Just gotta make new friends…
One day says some good things. First things first, being alone for any length of time, is not healthy for anyone, even the most sanest, happiest person in the world.
The facts you are honest and upfront proves you are at very least courageous and reading bewteen the lines, you have some dreams about a happier life ie family/children etc.
I’m not gonna deny your life may be crappy, thats fine, the question is what are you going to do about in 2012. Star with a blank slate and worry less about your past and what you don’t have, but what you could be in 2012 and beyond…
Ever need to chat or ask for some advice, please feel free buddy. You seem like a really nice person.
(read my posts and you will find my contact details).