End of the Journey

How should I start off? Well here it goes, hi I am a international student (18 years old) and I am to graduate this year in May. The thing is I have never had friends since I was in the 7th grade, which was when my so called friends decided that it was cool to bully and ignore me. The one moment that still lasts in my head was the field trip… and it still plays in my head like a recurring nightmare… going on the train with my ex-friends and getting bullied throughout the field trip. Not only that but sleeping a spare tent all alone with other students trashtalking about me whilst I was still wide awake.  This ordeal lasted for 3 more years of my life lasting till i hit the 10th grade (until the two main students leading the bullying and the hate left). Even then I was still ignored by almost everyone in school and I had to avert the gaze of every student as I felt that they were looking at me with hatred. Maybe it was just me… but this has seriously affected my personality and my attitude towards people, with my education constantly at a near fail but yet just enough to make it to a passing grade. As of the 11th grade I made some awkward friends that accepted me as who I was.. but I thought that they weren’t respected enough by the other students, in which I ended with me insulting their head girl leader of the group (which followed on with the others following suit) and eventually getting ditched (or I think I just left on my own). Well my point is throughout my life since the 7th grade I felt a void in my self .. a certain emptiness, I picked myself up over and over again thinking that it would get better but it never did this was coupled with a few failed hanging attempts and the lack of courage to jump off the building. So back in January the 4th when my family went out I decided to hang myself again with a leather belt which hung for at least 15-25 seconds with me hanging and struggling for breath until it broke rendering me unconscious after I fell to the ground from the pain (suffering a concussion). After this I went back to the school that I dreaded so much and this void which was always there got bigger and bigger… Not knowing what to do I finally confessed my actual true feelings in front of my family, it was really hard to do… but yet I still have this emptiness something that says just let go. I  know it is wrong, but yet I want to end my life and so I have decided that I will end my life today at night when everyone else is sleeping… I decided to write this story to let everyone know of who I was and how hopeless I felt if I am to end my life today. To all the readers, I thank you with all my heart.