i can’t seem to put into words exactly how i feel. I’m 26 and alone. Grade A (or F) loser. No car, job, friends. I have no drivers license. I’ve never had one. Had a girlfriend once. Only person I opened up to, but still withheld a lot. Wasn’t very ambitious in life. Don’t blame her for leaving me. Spent most of my life in a haze it seems. Ready to die may do it this weekend. Tried killing myself seven months ago by charcoal burning. Room got to hot and I blacked out woke up outside of hotel room. Felt stupid and even worse for failing so hard. Went to mental health ward and got help. Stopped seeking help once I got out. I live with a friend who I hardly talk to and his mom. They opened house for me, but will soon kick me out. Don’t blame them. Just ready for whatever this is to end. Friday night I may do it. Don’t want to walk into oncoming traffic, but just may do it. End hopeless and apathetic life for good. A miserable existence coming to a pathetic end. Have had hard life, not hard as others. Feel ashamed for feelings but can’t shake them. I can’t care about anything except wanting to die. Not scared of death, but scared of failing to kill myself. Just wanted to get it off my chest to someone. I just hope one day people can truly live happy lives.
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1 comment
Do not feel ashamed.
You can only control so much in life and everything else you can only have a perspective on.
You are also not a loser.
Because nowhere in your post did you say you intentionally harmed anyone.
Lacking ambition does not make you bad, just laid back.
Having failed twice in the past due to ignorance and once recently due to impulse I feel you on that as well.
If there is anything else you want to do I’d say stay a bit longer and try for it.
Because death ends all things.
Othwerwise I wish you a painless and peaceful end.