My suicide story isnâ€™t base on a single dramatic occurrence or a series of bad hands dealt to me by life, like so many have posted concerning their suicide stories. Like many (if not all) here I have been dealing with deep depression, manic mood swings, and suicidal thoughts on a daily basis, that at times feels all consuming. Again, my path to suicide wasnâ€™t due to a traumatic event but rather a fucking series of mundane, minutiae life events that have led me to deciding to off myself at the end of lackluster, Loserville 25 year bullshit life. All my life I havenâ€™t amounted to anything worthwhile due to me being a total ***** and never having enough balls to follow through with anythingâ€¦â€¦..and I many anything. Since history tends to repeats itself I foresee another X amount of years being a complete loser, and since the last 25 years were so fun filled & fulfilling, I have chosen not to stick around to experienced that againP.
Even though I do have a normal, somewhat loving family & a great job, but that still does not lessen the fact that Iâ€™m lonely, that I hate myself , I tend to hurt the people close to me the most & againâ€¦â€¦â€¦.Loser. Like so many of the other posts that I have read here, I too have a fast approaching date with suicide & I simply wanted to vent before I actually follow through with it. I have made some preparations for my family, my mom especially, in efforts to mitigate her pain with my letter & some money that I have saved up over the years.
Not sure if I believe in Heaven or Hell
The only thing I think of more often is how I think I will feel on that morning at dawn in mid March. There no significant reason why I settled on the 18th, I guess I thought itâ€™s just as good of a date as any other. Completely random.