Make Me Wanna Die

i drag myself from my bed, from the warmth of my room, from the safty of my house. and go to what i call my living hell. i pull up. park my car take a deep breath and put a fake smile on my face. all i think is i dont belong in the day light. i walk through the halls full of liers and perverts, bullies and bitches and think to myself. i cant wait for college.

walking down the hall. my music blasting.. i look up.. and see your eyes..  the eyes that i used to love. and now every time i look into your eyes. you make me wanna die. the lies the hurt the cuts the times you hit me.. i would have done anything for you.. but my love you didnt listen to the word i spoke to you. “no” you didnt listen and now all i want to do is live during the night, avoid the painfull light. oh god how you make me wanna die.

i try to move foward but i cant. i try to forget but it keeps coming back. god every time i look at your face you make me wanna die. and the sad thing is.. i dont want to. but the pain the comes from seeing your face just doesnt stop stabbing me.. avoiding you doesnt work.. you find me.. moving doesnt work.. you still find me.. i feel like im on fire.. but the flames wraped around me not only kill me but some how are making me stronger.

i dont wanna die. i see your face and you make me wanna die. but i wont. i cant. my life is to important to die. . . so ill stand up for myself and try to find happiness and my own light. so go ahead keep burning me with your flames. keep saying im not good enough… now when i look inside your eyes you wont make me wanna die. ill over come this.. im better then you……right?…. i can do this… right…

god i need to find my light..