hi all. i am 38 and i have been a carpenter all of my life. i am also not one of the thinnest men in the world. i am good at what i do, but there is no joy in me. i live in a little country, were its wrong to not be happy. i find no happynes in anything, and my girlfriend has not been touching me at all for over 4 months.. there is no work to be found. i barly can get the things to fit, and i am always outa money. i have tried to end it before, 2 times to be precise, but obviously, both attempts failed.. as it is now, i cant sleep. and in the darkness i can feel the self loathing seep into my soul, chrushing it from the inside. i keep thinking about how i can end my self, but it eludes me. i know how to do it, but i dont want other people to find me and confirm that i was a sorry fate. i just wanna disapear, like i never existet. the world is resting on my shoulders and i am cracking up.. and nobody can see it. my gf, cheatet on me, a year ago. and we talket about it. she think that its a thing of the past, but i cant let it go. i have no emotional “armor” anymore.. everything strikes in my soul, and i am failing to keep up with the hurt. at this point, the only thing that keeps me alive, is thet i cant find a good way to end myself.. there is no joy or light of the end of my tunnel. and nobody gives a crap, because i am a grown up..
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4 comments
Hey unholy.
Ya, i know how you feel, i think you may need to change some things up. I’d think you should talk with that girlfriend and tell her how you feel about the past still and tell her you have a lot of trouble getting over it. Communication will help a lot with relationship and the emotions from that source (it won’t go away overnight tho, more time is definitely needed), unless of course she responds poorly, but use your best judgement that may mean you need to move on. (hard for me to comment more on that because i simply can’t without more information. I also think you should try to take up another activity, with or without your girlfriend, whatever you feel. Maybe try a class you always wanted, yoga, random other classes, whatever you may enjoy, it may feel hard to try something new, but if you want to try to change how you feel this will most likely help. If not maybe a psychiatrist would maybe be on option. I personally find this site to be very helpful for my thoughts as well as working out most days even if only a half hr or hr. Eases my mind enough to cope with my issues. Hope this helps!
Hey i may not be that experienced but i think you should try to find something that keeps you occupied and yes you should talk to your girlfriend about everything try to reconnect the pieces that have been broken between the two of you also you should find another job or just move dont think about it dont plan just pack up and leave relax, your mind is not at ease, killing your self will not accomplish anything its the same as running away from this life, try to do things for you, donot study what any else expects or that because people are happy you should be that way to. be yourself maybe that where you started going down hill you should really try to reconnect with your soul get away and try to fix whats broken with your girlfriend, if you cant, you still have to move on with your life, dont give up dont be weak and even though your an adult that means nothing your a person at the end of the day so try get away and try to mend the broken pieces in your relationship am sorry i cant say more but thats all i gathered from your literature of emotions.
So, let’s sum it up here for unholy….
1) relationship isn’t doing so well.
2) is good at his job, but there’s no work
3) no money
4) the feeling of hopelessness
The tough part about this world we live in, is that everything revolves around money. With no money, options are severely restricted.
If you want to try and get back on track, you have to tackle these items one at time. It seems your looking at all of them at once and that’s what’s drowning you in hopelessness.
In regards to your relationship, only you know if it’s worth saving. If you want it work, follow the advise given by others here. However, if you think you should walk away, then that’s gonna be tougher. And being alone while sorting out this stuff is not the best.
In regards to the work situation, that’s also tough because the solution would be to relocate somewhere where there is work ( even if only temporary), but that requires money. Or perhaps make a slight change and find work that is closely related to what you do now, and something that will use your skill set. You said you are a carpenter.
I don’t know where you are, or your local laws, but would you like to teach your skills to students at a local senior school? Or maybe build with another material?
I don’t even begin to try and say I have all the answers, but breaking down your situation into smaller pieces may help you find a solution…one tiny piece at a time.
That’s pretty good and sound advise titanium69 just gave – breaking down everything into manageable parts.
i might add – since you chose the username “UnHoly” – it is a self loathing name to reflect how your thoughts are running contrary to your faith – can you talk to your pastor/minister for guidance? perhaps reestablishing your faith and connection with your church many open some doors – making your situation know among the congregation, maybe someone knows where you can find work or maybe the church has a project you can work on. Or maybe you could set up a ‘home improvement/repair” class at your church to help teach other people to “Do it yourself” and save money in these tight times?
best wishes
dawg