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Before I was addicted. I mean, I couldn’t bare the thought of a day without it. I was so locked onto it.
Now.. It’s strange. I hate myself when I don’t do it – I hate myself when I do.
Maybe I’m just expecting for something more to happen.
I’v become numb to the pain of blood pouring from my arms and legs.

I need something new. Something different.
Something to make me feel. Anything.

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Protoryu 1/26/2012 - 6:23 pm

How do you feel about the scars?

Just another sad, sad girl. 1/26/2012 - 6:36 pm

One of the things that attracted me in the first place to self harm was the scars. And if I’m being honest it still does.
When I don’t have scars on my body. Fresh ones I mean I feel very.. Exposed?
When I was cutting twice a day over Summer 2011 I used to cut until I felt.. But I also used to arrange them into an order so they would look better.
Not better as in hidden But as if I were doing interior design or art or something. I find them very very beautiful.
When I was in care they wanted to help me with my SH but I explained to them it wasn’t in reaction to pain or if felt depressed/suicidal. I wasn’t one day just going to cut too deep to try and kill myself. I just loved it.
I t was a hobby. Even more really it was something I adored doing and lookng and spending all my time on. It’s more of an art in my opinion. For me anyway.

Just another sad, sad girl. 1/26/2012 - 7:43 pm

i’v wrote things such as fat and whore and slut. I drawn a butterfly as well once. And a few broken hearts too.

Protoryu 1/26/2012 - 6:59 pm

Ive drawn hearts.. broken hearts, words. Stuff like that.

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