She’s Gone.

Hi, I’m a fifteen year old girl and I have been through quite a bit in my life.. I’ve been through being homeless, abused, raped, molested, bullied at school, addicted to drugs and alcoholism. I’m going through a lot at this moment as well, I need someone to talk to because all the people I know are drunks or druggies. I’m tired of being around this, I’ve been living around drunks and druggies my whole life. Now I just lost everything because of drugs and alcohol. I did try to be sober a couple of times but I just keep getting sucked back into it.. I want it stop so badly.

I lost the one person that means so much to me, I don’t know what I’ll do when she isn’t here. Not to long ago I was in the hospital because I tried to kill myself. I was at school, it was my last class and they started to talk about people committing suicide because of being bullied so then it made me think about my life. I pretty much raised myself my whole life, I’ve been abused until I was twelve, rapped when I was four years old, molested until I was twelve, been drinking, smoking and doing drugs since I was eight years old, I live in a group home, not living with my adopted mom that I love so much. My thoughts were interrupted by the school bell.

As I was walking out of the school by the cafeteria doors, I was still thinking about my life, what I’ve been through but not living with my adopted mom hurt me a lot. When I was walking back to the group home (fifteen minutes away from school) I was saying to myself that living away from my adopted mom is to much pain for me to handle. By the time I got to the group home it was 3:42pm, when I got inside I just went straight to my room and grabbed the bottle of Tylenol and headed straight to the bathroom. I was pacing back and forth for about ten minutes then I just grabbed the bottle and sat on the floor taking all the pills that were left in the bottle. I was in there for about half an hour so one of the girls in the group home knocked on the door and asked if I was okay, I said I was even though I wasn’t. The girl went downstairs and told one of the staff that I was in the bathroom for a while so the house parent came to the door and asking me if everything was okay. I started to cry, I didn’t respond to her, I just kept crying. She kept on saying open the door but I didn’t move from were I was.

She finally got the door open after fifteen minutes of trying. She saw me sitting there and crying, she didn’t notice the bottle at first because it was in my hands. Once she saw the bottle she started to yell to one of the staff to call 911. She held me until the paramedics arrived, I wish she didn’t let go because no one held me like she did in so long. I don’t really remember being in the ambulance much because I was so dizzy. All I remember is the house parent rubbing my head and the paramedic person asking me a lot of questions.

When we got to the hospital I had to drink this charcoal shake thing, it was really disgusting to drink. it made me vomit a few times then I fell asleep. When I woke up I saw my adopted mom there, I started to cry, it wasn’t a sad cry though.. it was a happy cry, I was so glad to see her. She stayed with me until I had to leave the hospital. The first three days were bad because I couldn’t leave my bed cause I was on suicide watch. I could only leave the bed to go to the wash-room. I was there for 5 days.

Now I have lost the most important person in my life, she gave up on me. I don’t know what I’ll do when she moves, I’ll be so lost. She made me realise what I was doing with my life. She was always there for me when I needed someone to talk to but now she’s gone.