There’s this funny little contraption in my chest.
Right here, on the right side of my body below my neck. I can feel it pumping blood through me, beating life into my veins, but that’s all I need to FEEL.
It’s called a heart.
I’ve never understood how this thing works. It’s just aÂ part in my body, it doesn’t have a mind of it’s own, it’s not its own seperate entity, and yet It makes me feel emotions that I shouldn’t have to ever feel.
TakeÂ love for instance. When your in love with someone your heart knows it. It swells with this creation of a thing I like to call hormones. That’s just what love is, isn’t it? A chemical imbalance of hormones that make you attracted to someone? Most people would tell you it’s more then that, it’s knowing that the person you care most about feels the same way you do, that they won’t ever leave you and will always treat you like you mean the world to them. I DON’T BELIEVE THAT. And trust me, neither does your brain. It’s a trick, devised by chemicals in your body to make your heart think that you love someone, but your brain knows better then that. It will always be smarter then your heart, so listen to it.
Then there is the heartbreak. I was in “love” or so I thought. I always do this, always think I’ve finally found the right guy, maybe the one that I can spend a good amount of time with, who listens to me, treats me with respect, and overall “loves” me back. And then it ended. As quickly as that butterfly feeling in my heart was there it was gone, replaced by this heavy, almost overwhelming feeling of grief, like someone had taken that funny little part inside my chest and snapped it right in half.
Except they hadn’t. I can still feel it pumping, hear it beating in my ears, which means it is still working, still keeping me alive just as it had before. NOTHING CHANGED. Just because this asshole hurt me in ways I did not know were even possible emotionally, nothing inside of my body changed. I was still me, and still alive.
My heart doesn’t matter. It’s just an organ. It is just this light-weight mass ofÂ blood andÂ tissue that is taking up space in my body.Â It doesn’t make you feel love or heartbreak on its own, you feel the way you want too because we’re human and we have a right to feel that way. It has nothing to do with our heart, or liver, or kidneys, or stomach, or any other organ you could possibly name. I won’t be hurt by something that you cannot break just by the words you say to me. Sticks and stones my friend…sticks and stones.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there is something more to it, but I don’t believe it’s that complicated.
It’s just an organ, and it doesn’t matter.