To the people around me I’m just that average semi popular kid who has a lot of friends and is always smiling. If they only knew how much effort I have to use to pretend like I’m this happy person. When in reality all I think about is ending my life. I weigh 120 lbs I’m 5’7 and I’m almost 18. I’ve attempted suicide a couple times with no success, I don’t even know why I continue to live this miserable existence. I suffer from terrible anxiety, bi polar, and bpd. I’ve tried multiple medicines, years of therapy their isn’t much left to try. I dont know what is keeping me here but all I think of is suicide, it’s more of fantasizing. I’m at my breaking point, I can’t keep up this show much longer.
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2 comments
Mikey..you have family and friends that love you. That’s why you continue on. I went through this in school..I didn’t fantasize about it but I kept a big smile to cover up the pain I had. You are absolutely normal. Everyone here understands..we are here to help get through that together. Its not a joke..this is real. Ive had many people die in my life..I see them die everyday. That’s why we cant let ourselves go crazy just because we see bad in this world. I’m sorry your medicine isn’t working for you..maybe you should call your doctor..get new meds or change doctors. There is always an answer to every problem..a lot of people are worse off..so keep focusing on the positive. Be strong!
Mikey.
Do you truly want death?
Or do you want some way to balance your life so your faking can become reality?
Take it from someone whose whole life has been a facade to keep food in my stomach and stay under the radar. Thing is there truly is nothing for me and even though I was diagnosed schizoid years ago I call b.s. on them because I function pretty well.
Have you tried alternative therapy, herbs, yoga, acupressure/acupuncture, meditation, chakra/energy balance…….
Maybe those will help you out. Sometimes conventional things are not too successful for an individual.