Im so freaking tired of having to fake my way through life I go to work and have to pretend im fine cuz if anybody there knew the truth ( i hate myself and want to die) they would never trust me again and wouldn’t let em do my job the only thing I have in my life that actually keeps me grounded I fucking hate my life why can’t i be a better person I mean what the hell is wrong with me that when I got frustrated at work today my first thought was to strangle myself and my second was to chop my arm off I am such a fucking mess and so freaking tired of trying to pretend otherwise why do i even try FML
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it’s a pain in the ass….i know. i pretend my way through everyday too. which makes it even harder. say what you need to say here. I have found it helps me a lot. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but I sure know how i feel. anytime a problem arises for me my first thought is all about me getting out of this place. but here i am, living but not alive but i keep going on. wish you the best
I am pretty much the same way annie. It’s horrible. If i may ask, when did these thoughts start? Was there a trigger event (possible relationship failure or anything)? Do you have a significant other or someone to talk to? I’d suggest if possible to try doing some activities outside of work you used to enjoy or you always wanted to try, for some, that’s all it takes, but not for all, but i’d say give it a shot if you haven’t already. Keep being strong for now, i knows it hard, Ive been pretending for the last 2 years… its a *****, and i only have this site and one person thats keeping me holding on. The other suggestion is if you have that someone there for you, take advantage of it. Hope you all the best, and i’ll definitely be responding if you tell us more!
I recommend talking to The Samaritans. I know what it’s like to have to keep it all bottled up inside. I haven’t told anyone who would care because I’m too scared, and the people I have told just..didn’t really know what to say. I convinced them I was fine and they actually believed me. But anyway, their really amazing to talk to and in a way they help you find the root of your problem and why you feel this way. Please don’t kill yourself. I’m only fifteen and I’ve been suicidal but I’m getting better because I’m pushing away the bad, bringing in the good, church has helped, and I’m trying to find more meaning in my life. I’m starting to find it..don’t make a permanent decision for a temporary problem, even if it feels like it’ll never go away. Be a survivor, try to take steps to improve your life. Possibly some counseling. The Smaritans is free and they help you as much as they possibly can. Look it up on google and it has an email address.