give up how to edit two posts. wasn’t at all I want to say. I tried edit over and over I feel worse now than ever. what I was trying to say is I lost my house , my daughter did everything she should to complete high school, even a year early. have lost my house and living in temporary housing. I really dont want to be on this earth anymore. I am in no way helping my family. I’m not scared to go, I just don’t want them to hate me.
February 2012
I wrote a song I don’t even know if anyone can understand me. think there’s anything anybody can say or do change how much I want to see sun from the earth
I tried to be so nice to people I am I think a mistake my kindness for weakness. I have a lot of learning disabilities. true while I was really feeling well. I got my real estate license and I started really doing well. now I have lost my home to foreclosure. my daughter has done everything she said she finished high school are your early. and now her friends are going to college and I cannot help her. I’ve lost the house I built and now im living in temporary housing. I know money isn’t everything but I can survive and I’m not […]
I don’t understand. My life is fine. Good, even. I’m a straight A student, smart, funny, Christian, been awarded multiple scholarships recently. Teachers love me. But when I go home at night, all I can think about is what they would do if I were to kill myself. What would my friends say? I want to get out of this hole. This hole of not feeling anything. I was in the same spot three years ago, ended up in therapy. It helped. It did. But now I’m back.
The only way to get out is to do it. And I don’t want to and I can’t […]
I already posted on here, and I’m sorry if I get annoying, but this is the only place where I can let it out where people won’t hurt me. I feel so alone and sad and like no one cares. I’m crying for no reason, sobbing, really. I can’t take it anymore. Every time I try to get help, I’m shut down by others. They don’t say anything other than oh…or something of that sort. I just want to cry and let it all out and have someone hug me and tell me everything’s going to be ok, that will listen. Someone who understands, who […]
Things were starting to look up, but it’s all coming crashing down. I was getting stronger, not having the violent and/or scary thoughts anymore, my grades were getting better, and I was just starting to go back to my old self. Today I realized that I’m apparently not ok. A girl working in my group on a project we presented today shoved my copy in my face snobbily sarcastically thanking me for my help. I tried to help write it in class, but she took it home and never contacted the rest of us like she was supposed to, so she ended up doing it […]
I’ve had about a week of feeling completely robotic. Â I just keep doing things to distract myself from my own head. Â It’s seems as though as long as my hands are occupied, my brain is going to stay quiet. Â But I have to go to bed eventually, I need to sleep. Â I have so much time to myself. Â I like being by myself, but the thoughts are hard to control.
I had a bad day a couple days back from this one (worse than the usual bad), and I let loose for the first time in a long time. Â I cut 26 times, all in places […]
I can’t keep this up. I always fall for the wrong guys and I’m starting to hate myself. I hate the way I’m too nice. I hate the way all I want is attention and I work so hard for them to notice me and they don’t.. I hate everything. I hate my body. I hate my smile. I hate my laugh. I hate everything.
So, the story is that… I live with my grandparents, my dad died when I was seven by shootin himself..and my mom wants everything to do with me now. But didn’t when I was born.. Today, my grandparents don’t want anything to do with me because I party and leave “home” to much,yet when I am home no one shows their love or shows that they want me there. I party to get all the hate and pain off my mind.. My grandparents hit me occasionally and that’s another reason I don’t want to be here. It’s hard to live with people that say stuff […]
i look like a normal girl. twenty years old, 5’4″, blue eyes, blonde hair, skinny. quiet. smart. funny. i play the piano. sometimes i read keats, and i like dipping vegetables in ranch dressing and my favorite dress is blue and slinky and soft.
but here’s a secret: i’m scared of cameras.
everywhere i go, i know they’re there, recording and tick-ticking. every time i’ve wanted to spend the day naked or steal a book or cheat on an exam, i’ve stopped myself because of the cameras. i feel guilty when i babysit for my friends, because i spend hours sitting on the couch watching TV after […]
So my brother when to jail the other day he was trying to brake into cars and he was high and had a loaded gun.why tho e has everything he ever wanted. we loved him but all he did was hurt us. And on the other hand my boyfriend thinks I’m cheating don’t really wana be alive right now
maybe im the reason that I have no one. I dont bother to tell people what im thinking. I hide everything maybe thats why no one is aware or why im alone. Its all my fault. I dont flaunter my emotions. Is that what im doing wrong? Is that why no one bothers to listen? Does no one understand that I have a damn heart, one that gets hurt too
I was sectioned into a room by myself. I was still wearing my bathrobe which they checked and found nothing Because i had been down this path before i had secretly stored some tablets in a secret compartment in my purse, when the attendees had left me alone at my unit. I knew how to get away with this. I wanted to use them to put me to sleep as i knew they would have prescribed half the medication dosage that i was used to.
This was not the first time i have been inside and spent days and nights in a psychiatric Hospital.
All […]
So is been like a week that i told one of my friends that i liked her, but she just don’t like me, is been 2 years that i can’t find someone, and my heart keeps saying that i NEED someone, i don’t have much facts to being depressed, i’m friend to anyone of my grade, the nerds, populars anyone, but now… everything just seems so far away, i keep smiling, keep doing jokes, but inside i just want to cut myself, i tried alredy, i cut it… not deep because i was in classes, i just need one person to listen me, when i […]
Not acting on suicide plans – looking for help (SIAD/Butterfly Project)
I posted on here last month saying I was going to kill myself whenever I felt ready. I’d been planning to do it yesterday after my last scheduled meeting with someone had gone past, only I’ve managed to arrange to meet someone next Thursday. But for once, I’m actually not annoyed. I feel incredibly motivated to keep pushing on, and I’ve found a way to help me along.
So SIAD is tomorrow, and being a cutter, this is the day I’m more motivated to draw butterflies on my arms. I decided to try and raise some awareness for both SIAD and butterfly project in school, so […]
I’m new to this. I’ve been researching things concerning suicide. I’ve been depressed for 2 years. I have no friends. And Im ugly,and no one likes me. I’m not saying that just to make myself feel bad, it’s the truth. If I could, I would type 100 facts about no one does.this is my only post on here. Because today is my last day to live. I can’t take it no more. I blame it all on school. All i asked for was to be homeschooled, but…looks like no one listened. Good bye fellow “friends” enjoy this so called “wonderful” life. Peace.
I smile during pictures. I smile ’cause I can. I smile when my best friend Becca, takes my hand. I smile when I see you, because thats what is polite. I smile during the day. But I don’t smile during night. I step off the bus, and head to the house. I say “Thanks for the ride” and look down on my phone, more drama has arouse. I close the door slowly, hearing it creak. The hardwood floor echoes my sobs and my shreaks. I am not happy with my looks or my smile, they made me insecure. I question life for a while. I am […]
Yahh. Everyone asks that question. “Are you OK”? What do you think Im going to say? You expect me to just completeley scream out my feelings.. No! Im going to say “Yahh. Its all good”. Well. I used to. But I need to tell someone my feelings.. Im only 12. I live in Florida, and my stepdad and mom moved me away from my family in Minnesota. 🙁 I have a 5 year old little sister who looks entirely up to me.. And my mom is pregnant with a boy now. I want to kill myself. I might. Im in the seventh grade. I went […]
http://www.youtube.com/user/OnisionSpeaks?feature=watch
He has some pretty good videos on reasons for people to live.
Especially geared towards the younger generation. Was listening to one of the many ASMR videos I enjoy and one of the posters had a video that asked the question of do people want to live forever.
This guy was cross referenced in the side panel. I thought that it may help some people on this site. He puts a light side to things.
It’s been a couple of months since the last time I wrote here. For awhile I was feeling better, but now I feel even worse then I did before. The last time that I wrote here for me suicide was just something that I kept thinking about, but I wasn’t ready to do it, I was just too scared of dying. Now I think that I’m ready, or at least I’m not scared anymore because I know that whatever will come after death it’s going to be different from how I’m living now. Anyway there are two reasons why I’m writing here now, but since […]