I don’t come on here much-some of the replies I get actually make me feel worse. But its the only anonymous place I can express my feelings without fear of being locked up or talked down to(well,as I said earlier,some on here continue to,but its easier to ignore a post than a person LOL!!)
Anyway,I’ve almost made it to my trip to Australia,so yay me!! for hanging on. I am going solo, and plan to have an awesome time. After that,I’m going to give myself the ultimate reward.
I have absolutely nothing to come back to,and my life is going to be a thousand times bleaker upon returning. At least,for a few months,I had this trip to keep me going(although at times I didn’t think I would make it) but afterwards,I come back to it all,and its not going to get better.Hell,in 33 years it hasn’t…no matter what.
So instead of coming home and being an OFUD freak (old,fat,ugly,and diseased) working in a thankless job,being with someone who never wants to be around me,never wants to touch me,let alone marry me,having no friends,no real family,watching everyone around me be good enough to have the lives they want,and oh yeah, having NO car and NO way to fix mine/get another one ANYTIME soon…..
Â I’m just going to go out on a high note,while I am having a good moment.Also,being 10,000 miles from home,no one can stop me. Hell, I can make myself anonymous to the Aussies even:)
Â Â So,I’ll post more before and during my trip…but I feel a real sense of peace knowing that my time is near. Depression really is a cancer. Too bad people don’t work as hard to cure it .