Can’t take it anymore

I can’t take this anymore, every new day I live I feel like I can’t take it anymore of this I am fighting to many things I want to take my life!!!! So bad I am starting to hate my family I can barely have a convo with them I feel like they wouldn’t care if I was gone they could live their day like they always do they wouldn’t miss me!!! I am battle depression anarexia and now suicide I can’t take it I just want someone to talk to but I can’t talk to my family or my friends or the people in my church I have no one and if the guy I am gonna be in a relationship with soon would die if he knew any of this I said I wouldn’t keep things from him buy I can’t tell him this so I have no one and I’m struggling not to end it right here and right know it feels like I’m on the edge I want to jump so bad but the one thing keeping me from doing that is is the guy I love it’s his love that is keeping me from jumping off!!! It’s not that I hate my family it’s just my mom and dad don’t trust me anymore that’s a long story why and so my parents won’t tell me anything they just tell my brothers and sisters so I’m left out and my brothers they live my little sister more and I think I know why and my little sister I fight with all the time and my older sister just herself I know she loves me but I just can’t seem to feel loved in this house If I could leave and go somewhere else I would in a heartbeat but I can’t so that is so I just want to take the bottle of pills and go away if I go to heaven or hell I don’t know but I wouldn’t be here that’s all I know the guy I love would be crushed if I did take my life but I can’t take this anymore.