Everyone Thinks That I have It All,
But Its So Empty Living Behind These Castle Walls,
If I Should Tumble,
If I Should Fall,
Would Anyone Hearing Me Screaming Behind These Castle Walls,
There’s No One Here At All,
Behind These Castle Walls.
I live a very different life. This is my first time trying something like this, I’m not doing this with the intention that it’ll bring me pity or sympathy from others, Im doing this hoping that it’ll bring me some FORM of peace.
Im not like alot of people out there. I live a very different life. Luxuries people would never even dream of. My ordinary level is some peoples loft hopes and dreams. Regardless of the way my lifestyle was obtained, I’m still a human being who hurts and he doesn’t get that. the weak side of me wants to say this is all 100percent because of him. however the stronger side admits that this is something that he just brought out. My personal life choices made it last and evolve into something this unbearable. I’m hoping over time I’ll be able to let me whole story out, but as of now, Im just not sure what route to take with this. The secrets I hold are too dangerous to even blog about unanimously. This lifestyle has pushed me into a dark corner and I cant see,even with my thousand dollar glasses on. Ive become very lonely. Very cold and bitter, I dont know how to except anything anymore. i dont even know what Im typing right now, it prob. doesnt even make sense-i just know im very sad. The idea of castle walls is that of an image that needs to be upkept and i cant do it anymore. I cant be the queen anymore its too much for me. My whole life turned around in 64 months. I trusted him to always protect me because ialways protected him. I even lost significant opportunities in my life for him and this lifestyle. How Could you after everything i did, after everything i sacrificed for you and us and our lives. Your still here but you have no idea how thick these castle walls have become. i cant be strong anymore. i cant be the ice queen anymore. im tired. very tired. The one time I needed you to have my back you were nowhere to be found. i more than almost wish you did what you did when i was locked up instead of when i got out. how could you leave all my life behind, all my investments, all my important things. everything-gone, because of greed. im very hurt and i dont want to write anymore. maybe later because i have so much to say, but i know it wont make sense. it just wont. i duno about anything anymore. “You Can’t See The Castle Full Of Walls Til It Falls”
Nobody Knows Im All Alone,
Living In This Castle Made Of Stone,
They Say That Money Is Freedom,
But I Feel Trapped Inside It All.
And While I Sit So High Up On This Throne,
I Wonder How I Can Feel This Low,
On Top Of The World Is Beautiful, But There’s No Place To Fall