Today was a great day, celebrated my nephew’s birthday with family and friends. Now I’m home alone and all I can think about is how much I hate being alive. I am drinking knowing that it only makes things worse…but I can’t help it. It gives me the sense that my thoughts are just caused by the alcohol…that it’s not me…but I know the truth. I’m alone…there’s a loaded gun in my drawer. I think about how easy it is to just…
I love my family, I know they love me…I have everything I could ever want, but I don’t…can’t appreciate it all. I just want to die. Another sip…
I just don’t want to be here anymore…I can’t deal with this feeling. I think about cutting again it’s the only thing that’s made me feel better. I haven’t done it in two years, my therapist says that’s good, but to me it’s not, it was a good release.
Another sip… I just need to get out…get away. I hate my life, what I’ve become…what happened to me? I don’t even recognize myself.
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Just a little but strong poeme that I found on line.
It helped me a lot.
To you who are suffering
To you who are suffering
Who is on the Edge
To you who feel nothing
If this is the void or the overflow
To you who are so lonely
And that no one notices
To you who want to scream
For someone to hear you
To you who weep
All the tears of your heart
To you who want to exist
be looked by others
I would like to tell You:
Do Silence – Step aside your Reason – Go down to your Heart:
Here a small flame alive, throbbing, prisoner of dark thoughts.
A small flame just waiting to blossom to life.
Listen-It – Fells It – See-It- -Touche-It – Taste-It
Let your body, your soul Temple, welcome-It.
And the chains that hinder-It will fall.
Yes, life is in You
YOU are YOU – LOVE YOU
a friend
Sometimes having everything one needs is still not enough.
Even having the love and caring that so many do not have still does not whet the appetite.
Can I tell you how to fix it, no because i’ve done everything to try to fix mine. Even things suggested by wonderful people here.
I can identify and tell you that you are not the only one who is not in dire pain and suffering at the moment but who still wants to die.