email to diana

“I think that the little bit of faith in humanity that I was holding onto finally slipped through my fingers. My fears of persecution were realized last night as I was taunted and called a sociopath. The whole night confirms thoughts that I’ve been having for a year or so, that if I want to be happy, I’m going to have to change back to who I was to do it. I can’t be myself or share my real opinion because I just end up alienating myself. I spent 3 years figuring out who I was and my real opinion and now that I finally feel some semblance of comfort in my mind and skin, I’ve got to do away with it if I want a shot at my idea of happiness. I hate who I was, snivelling and weak, accommodating to every mouth breather that paid me the slightest bit of attention. I like the extreme and opinionated person that I am but nobody else does and, yeah, it hurts. We’re told all throughout life to just be yourself, be yourself, but it seems that myself isn’t good enough. Have to fake it all, suppress my ideas of morality and existentialism; all so I won’t be alone anymore. Has this 3 year journey of self-discovery been a complete waste? Rhetorical question. It’s maddening, saddening. Thanks for listening”