I’ve finally finished reading through all my posts on here in the last three years.
ALL 101.
It honestly doesn’t seem like I’ve been doing this for that long, writing on here. It seemed like just yesterday I didn’t know what I was going to do with all my thoughts and feelings of suicide, keeping them wrapped up in my head could only keep me sane for so long and I was afraid I was going to lose it completely, more so then I already had.
Then I found this site, a place where I could get all my feelings out, where I could talk to others who were going through what I was going through and where I didn’t have to feel so alone.
This site has literally SAVED ME.
In the beginning I can see my old self, the way I used to feel like no one understand me at all. My thoughts consisted of wanting to throw myself off buildings or dunk my head under water and stay there. My fight with the dark thing inside me is played out through conversations I remember now as some of the most terrifying experiences of my life so far.
I played out the last three years of my life on this site, through my posts. I’ve described my interactions with the people in my life I found most important. I’ve let you all in on some of my deepest darkest secrets; a bunch of strangers I’ve never even met before and some who I know won’t even read past the first paragraph of this. Even if you don’t, you still know what it feels like to be lonely, to have this constant need for acceptance into a world where no one is ever truly accepted, not by everyone.
I’ve told you the stories of my life, the loved ones I’ve lost to cancer, suicide, cerebral palsy, or just because of my own distance that I put between us. I’ve never once lied to you, deceived you, or told you something that I didn’t think wasn’t important TO ME. In retrospect, you’ve really all been my best friends through the last couple years of my childhood, and now it’s finally come to an end.
I’m eighteen.
I don’t know what it is about this age that makes me think I’m all grown up all of a sudden. I’m well aware that I’m not. I still have so much growing up to do, still have so much to overcome and learn, but I’m looking forward to it and sharing my experiences with all of you who are still strong enough to hold on with me through this crazy roller coaster ride we call life.
Compared to three years ago, 101 posts ago, I’m actually looking forward to living my life.
7 comments
Hey Violet; I haven’t read all 101 of your posts but I have made it all the way through a lot of them. You have a talent for writing which is probably why I’ve enjoyed your contributions. Thanks & Happy B-day.
Always a pleasure to read a genuine VB post … For someone your age you are an extremely articulate and gifted vivid storyteller. I wish I could say that I’m glad that you are in such a positive mood but we both know what a shitty person I am and that I only like for bad things to happen and for people to be sad (like me). Go out and celebrate those three years and 101 posts Violet Blake! You’re old enough to go get a couple tattoos and smoke a carton of cigarettes! Whwwwwweeeeeeeewwwww! Just don’t forget to come by every now and then…
Violet,
Salutations for you my dear.
You have run the gambit and come out of the tunnel choosing life.
Quite the warrior you are for winning a hard battle and continuing to walk forward.
May your strength grow with each passing moment and may it tide you through all times.
I’m so happy for you violet. I have tried to leave but keep coming back. I’m going to try a few new things and keep everyone posted. I really can’t tell you how proud you make us. But if it ever gets too much in the future, just let it all out.
@Violet Blake; I read a few of your other posts last night as I was having difficulty drifting off to sleep. I especially liked the one where you told off the priest.
Why would God allow bad things to happen to innocent people? To gain some insight into the moral character of the God of the Bible google “atrocities in the bible”. The list is staggering. God has sanctioned murder, rape, incest, genocide, and plagues numerous times throughout his career.
Any sane rational human being would find this behavior unacceptable if another person behaved like God. But for some reason people give God a pass because he is God and he can do whatever he chooses to do. They say that we cannot understand “the will of God”.
They also say that man was created in gods own image, his own “likeness”. If that is true then it makes perfect sense to trample over the rights of others in order to gratify our own ego. We would be following god’s example if we treated others as an expendable commodity worthy of nothing more than our own self-aggrandizement.
I’m not trying to sway your religious beliefs. I’m just curious why anybody would care about the opinon of a Tyrant.
Hello Violet,
I have always struggled with commenting on your posts…but I have read them all…atleast since I got here in December…your Christmas Post was awesome btw…do you still ring your bell?
A success story is what I really needed today…and you’re so young…or maybe it is just that I am so old…lol…but thank you for the gift of this post especially today.
Sorry we won’t actually get the chance to know each other…I’m sure you’ve seen my bad side a time or twelve…lol…but I have a good side too…I promise. Glad you’re moving on but you always have the option of coming back for a refresher course…life is a journey…not a moment…or coming back to pay it forward…but maybe we’ll meet someday.
I have a favour to ask you…and a gift to offer you…but it would require you to e-mail me…don’t worry…no stalkers here…an old woman with a hard row to hoe…perhaps…but no stalkers or axe murderers….I will leave it up to you to decide…but will certainly look for your e-mail…
Blessed Be
Amakua
I felt jealous after reading this post! When I first found this website I was depressed! I think about 2 years have already gone by and I feel l’m even more severly depressed!