I was one of those people that were always like killing yourself is stupid. I realize now that was because I had it pretty close to I prefect life. But I worked hard to do that too. I had all As and great friend. And I was so pretty. In my freshman year of high my mom told me we were moving. I didn’t want too. But would any teenager want to move 1,000 miles away from their life, friends, everything. I throw I fit but I knew I was making it harder on myself so I told her I would be good and go. But that didnt work for me. It started out as I had a hard time sleeping and panic attacks. But it got worse from there when we finally moved. I wouldn’t eat. The place where we were I couldn’t think of a worse place to be. The people were so mean and so were the teachers. There was one I even wanted to talk to. And the school had almost 5,000 people in it. I wouldnt eat. I slept all the time. But it got to where my suicide thought effected my sleeping. I started sleep walking. I cut myself so much I would wear long sleeve shirts in 100 degree weather. One day me and my ex got in a fight and he graves my arm so hard it slipt me cuts opened and I bleed to my shirt. He saw it and freaked out because when I broke up with him I said “pretend like you never meet me because give me sometimes and you won’t know my much longer” he didn’t understand it then but when he saw how much I was hurting myself, all my depression meds, my extremely low self esteem he know what I was doing. He told like anyone that would love me would have but when he took off running to someone to help I took of running out of school into the woods with my knife. I took it out of my bag and staved myself 3 times. I don’t know how long I was out there before they found me. I was in the hospital when I finally woke up. The doctors asked me about it and decided I probably won’t do it again. If you ask my I WILL. I am done here. Nothing is keeping me here. I don’t eat and I cut myself. I know sometime it will be to much and I won’t be here and I can’t wait for that day.
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Hey, you had a good life before, you can have it again. So you moved to a bad place – is that the only thing that went wrong that started you depression? Have you spoken to your mum about how bad it makes you feel?
Yeah. My mom knows. It’s not like I could really hide it. It was a lot of stuff at once. Me moving, my dad dying, and I was still carrying alot of guilt from when I burned down our house. There isn’t anything my mom can do about it tho. My step dad can’t find a job so we can’t move out of living with our friends.
Having moved around a lot when I was a kid, I know exactly what its like to move to a new school. Its definitely not fun. I feel for you, I really do. I hope you can find a way out of your depression. That is not an easy task to do either. I wish you all the best. Hang in there, things will get better, they certainly can’t get much worse.
@gumgirl – that sucks. But it’s very nice for your friends to take you in, so try to be a good guest… help out around the house, that kind of thing. And just take things one day at a time, you know? Dont think so much about the future, it can be very overwhelming. Just focus on getting through the next day.
I’m trying to try. But I’m in the hospital so much or sleeping because I have no energy because I don’t eat. I chew gum and drink deit Dr. Pepper. I know everyone is sick of me. I know I am sick of me.
People are only sick of you because you are not acting like YOU. You said before you used to be happy, have friends, be a normal teenager. Probably your family misses that girl, they just want to see you happy. Why don’t you eat? Gum and dr pepper is such a bad combination…
I know. I know. I guess I dint eat because it just my mind of my depression and gives me something else to think about.