they say im in “la-la land.” i like it here, nobody’s mean to me. am i the happy girl everyone thinks i am? or is that just a shell that covers whats really there. do they think i dont care about not having friends? they could never be more wrong. if anyone knew i was really a depressed, suicidal, freak, than the rejection would be so much worse. i would love to kill myself and see if anyone noticed. even if they did, they wouldnt care. nobody cares. my whole life feels numb. i never really thought of myself as a cutter. i guess i didnt want to admit to myself that i would stoop that low. truth is, i am addicted to cutting. those razor blades bring my only relief. maybe things would be better if i werent so fat. i never thought i was fat. but they all say it. it must be true. all the guys reject me. i must be ugly. everything is always my fault. what do i do wrong? i am so done with this.
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Hey sono
Almost didn’t comment…mostly because your age isn’t clear…sorry. But I’ll have to guess…no offense meant. I would say 13 to 15…just because of the angst. Oh..which means to some degree it’s normal. Unless you’re 35…then we really need to talk…lol. But seriously…don’t you understand that it is your masks and your walls that are keeping people from caring about you?…even if they did care…and I won’t argue that…atleast not now…lol…but you don’t make it easy for anyone…now do you?…So the first question is?…Why the unnecessary and damaging coping skills? And yet you don’t sound depressed…at least not to me…just confused. Again some of that is normal if you are in the demographic I mentioned earlier. Again if you’re 35…we need to talk…seriously…lol
Hey sono.”.I’m one of those old people Amakua is talking about. And with that comes years of experience in the crap life can throw you.
In between the lines of your entry I hear a person that wants to really open up to someone about how they really feel…but who? Chat with Amakua. She’s been on here a while and is a good listener.
You’re close. I turned 16 last month.
Hello sono,
Close but no cigar…so did you want to answer any of my questions…did you want to ask any…or do you just want to know that someone is listening?…let us know
Namaste
Amakua
OMG Sono,
Who said anything about being a stupid child…you are the furthest thing from a child…because your innocence has been stolen…but you are young. I would strongly encourage you to call a women’s hotline and get some help…you can’t even see yourself any more can you? You are dealing with traumas that are too big to deal with alone…and I am not where you are….so please talk to someone in your area…there is help and there is hope…but you have to want it…really want it…and ask for it…from the proper places…you are damaged for sure…but not quite broken yet…so quit trying to finish the job the world started…and quit trying to break yourself…and thank God you didn’t pay attention in anatomy…that is why we are talking…that is a miracle…don’t waste it…you are worth the effort…but lose the attitude and defenses…they are keeping possible help out…that is why you must ask.
Namaste
Amakua