My Thought For The Day…

I always think back to when I tried to kill myself last year, OD-ing, and now I really wish I did it. Here’s some reasons why.

1. My family would finally wake up and face reality that everything is NOT “alright”

2. I would be in a better place than alive and my friends wouldn’t care

3. I wouldn’t always have my suicidal thoughts or this “illness”

4. People would actually think about me

5. At least one person would remember me

After thinking about that, I think of other reasons to why I’m alive.

1. My family sometimes cares enough about me to actually remember me from time to time.

2.  I am in a better place and I have amazing friends that are there for me and who love me for me.

3. I learn from my suicide attempts and try to beat this b*tch.

4. People do think about me and about how great I am.

5. For everyday that I’m alive, more people will remember me and how I helped them get through life too.

I try to fool myself everyday that there is nothing worth living for, that dying is the only way and sometimes that side of me will win, other times- the times when I finally tell my friends what I’ve been through in life and the hardships and the greatest thing that they do is hug me and accept me- is when I know I deserve to be alive and to live another day, because I can do it.

Suicide is my cancer, and I’m going to make sure to beat both, no matter if the devil comes crawling on my doorsteps, I’m going to do anything I can to beat this.

Thank you to who ever is there for amazing friends.:)

Never Too Late