Yahh. Everyone asks that question. “Are you OK”? What do you think Im going to say? You expect me to just completeley scream out my feelings.. No! Im going to say “Yahh. Its all good”. Well. I used to. But I need to tell someone my feelings.. Im only 12. I live in Florida, and my stepdad and mom movedÂ me away from my family in Minnesota. 🙁 I have a 5 year old little sister who looks entirely up to me.. And my mom is pregnant with a boy now. I want to kill myself. I might. Im in the seventh grade. I went to Howard Bishop.. But i was transffered to homeschooling after my grades plummited. I am pretty sure i am a mistake? I am christian, bbut I question God’s existance because if he’s real, why has my year (s) been so bad? Sixth grade was the happiest year of my LIFE. And I found out that the sweetest boy ever loves me. His name’s Tyson. I was so excited! Over the Summer.. I got hints that suddenly something bad was lurking in.. One of my best friends ever named Daryl got angry at me out of nowhere.. Justin started callling me skanky, and my friend Annie blocked my number. But my best friend Becca acted like nothing was happening, and Tyson was flirting me everyday. He constantly told me how beautiful and amazing I was.. And I honestly fell in love. I dont think its fair that im only twelve but i already fell in love?.. Anyways.. One day, Becca said she was not attaneding Howard Bishop for 7th grade.. And I got really mad at her. So I made Meghan my best friend. She came over..And that night Tyson asked me out. August 11, 11: 07, 2011. I was in tears with joy, and meghan was asleep 😛 everyone loves me and im on top of the worldÂ
7th Grade –
Everyone hates me. as soon as i walk on to campus i get awkward stares and snickers. i dont even want to know.. Tyson broke up with me a while ago.. But hes smiling at me.. Wait.. No. He’s smiling at Tess. people move away from me as i approach them. i wave.. but they just look at me like “ew wtf”. in class.. people are calling me whore.. slut.. a waste. i cry all the time now. Half way through the year.. Im eating lunch with Meghan, and the next day.. Everything changes. Becca comes to howard bishop. i completely forget about meghan and get attatched to becca. tyson asks me out. i say yes. he breaks up with me for becca. I cut my wrists. i burn my arms with lighters. I stopped eating. i am a waste of time and space. death is just an easy way out..no? i have becca. thats it. if i die.. what will my parents tell my sister and brother.. what will becca do.. how will my family react? I am actually very wealthy.. and im not that ugly. but everyone says i am.. so it must be true. i will die. I am NOT ok..