When I searched for this website, I was totally suffering from my depression. I never went to a consultant but I knew I was depressing.
I was living in a city that everyone has the desire to living here. A wonderful city that make me fall in love with but also drain me in the hell. Two years ago, I graduated from high school, and apply to one of the university in the city which the agent helped me to prepare it all. I got a really bad high school GPA that I was really afraid of the university would’t take me. Eventually I went to a language school. I thought I would pass the language school and go right into the U. I dreamed about my future, I planed, I assumed one day it will come true. However, plan is just a plan, you never know what’s gonna happened. I met a bad witch professor and she totally destroy my life. I thank she make the person I am today, she destroy me and make me mature… But also ruin my dream. I suffer from the depression since that happen, she failed me which means I have to study language half year more… You will say “That ‘s not a big deal…” But for me, my parents pay for all the tuition and living … I felt guilty to let them know I was failed. My demon told me to lie to them, and I did… A lie cover a lie and another… I was so tired, but I have no guts to say it out loud….. Then I took a long vacation to cool myself off… But back in the reality, I am still a looser. Then I go to the language school that I am studying now… I have no energy to apply to another college, I am afraid of failure. Also, the money, all these time that I waste one year budget of my tuition, my mom keep telling me not to spent too much. I feel annoying when she Â grouchy about the money thing. If she didnt press me I wouldnt lie.
Now is the second year, I am in the language school and living in downtown. I hate myself. I regret the way I waste my money and time. They can go back. All friends are almost graduate from college and I am nothing. I wish the time could turn back, I will choose not to lie. I pray to have guts, I pray for help. But God wont like a bad person like me. Â I know I am not stupid, even the stupid person can go to college but why not me! Well, I am just lazy. Now I owe almost 2000 rent, I cant even pay the tuition in the present school… I have no way to get money, I dont wanna ask for more from them… I was illegal to work here… I am a shame! I know they gonna know one day. I can imagine how they gonna be furious about the lie and how my mom gonna be pissed off, she will be disappointing on me… I know when that day comes, my life gonna be ended. I cant face this..
I dreamed to be successful in career. I wanna be a fashion marketing. I wanna be normal. I want a brand new life. Dont wanna wake up and crying anymore….
Sorry to let them worry about me, sorry to be their daughter…