When I searched for this website, I was totally suffering from my depression. I never went to a consultant but I knew I was depressing.
I was living in a city that everyone has the desire to living here. A wonderful city that make me fall in love with but also drain me in the hell. Two years ago, I graduated from high school, and apply to one of the university in the city which the agent helped me to prepare it all. I got a really bad high school GPA that I was really afraid of the university would’t take me. Eventually I went to a language school. I thought I would pass the language school and go right into the U. I dreamed about my future, I planed, I assumed one day it will come true. However, plan is just a plan, you never know what’s gonna happened. I met a bad witch professor and she totally destroy my life. I thank she make the person I am today, she destroy me and make me mature… But also ruin my dream. I suffer from the depression since that happen, she failed me which means I have to study language half year more… You will say “That ‘s not a big deal…” But for me, my parents pay for all the tuition and living … I felt guilty to let them know I was failed. My demon told me to lie to them, and I did… A lie cover a lie and another… I was so tired, but I have no guts to say it out loud….. Then I took a long vacation to cool myself off… But back in the reality, I am still a looser. Then I go to the language school that I am studying now… I have no energy to apply to another college, I am afraid of failure. Also, the money, all these time that I waste one year budget of my tuition, my mom keep telling me not to spent too much. I feel annoying when she  grouchy about the money thing. If she didnt press me I wouldnt lie.
Now is the second year, I am in the language school and living in downtown. I hate myself. I regret the way I waste my money and time. They can go back. All friends are almost graduate from college and I am nothing. I wish the time could turn back, I will choose not to lie. I pray to have guts, I pray for help. But God wont like a bad person like me. Â I know I am not stupid, even the stupid person can go to college but why not me! Well, I am just lazy. Now I owe almost 2000 rent, I cant even pay the tuition in the present school… I have no way to get money, I dont wanna ask for more from them… I was illegal to work here… I am a shame! I know they gonna know one day. I can imagine how they gonna be furious about the lie and how my mom gonna be pissed off, she will be disappointing on me… I know when that day comes, my life gonna be ended. I cant face this..
I dreamed to be successful in career. I wanna be a fashion marketing. I wanna be normal. I want a brand new life. Dont wanna wake up and crying anymore….
Sorry to let them worry about me, sorry to be their daughter…
1 comment
Clearly you have made some mistakes. That’s perfectly normal and understandable – it’s what we humans do all the time.
The key thing is that you have recognised you have made some mistakes, so now is the time to start working towards sorting things out. I’m not saying that it will be easy, or that there will be a quick fix. But you have to start somewhere.
Presumably what is best for you is to continue with your studies, which means getting the money to do this. Correct?
I think, therefore, that you have no choice but to be honest with your parents. Tell them what has happened and apologise for your mistakes. I don’t think there is any other way round it. You’ve got to face up to reality. It will be tough, but long term it will be for the best. Yes, they will be upset and disappointed, but that will only be temporary. In years to come, once you have got your qualifications, got your job, and paid your parents back any extra money you ‘made’ them spend on you – all the mistakes you have made will be long forgotten.
Nearly all of us have been in the position, at some point in our lives, where we have let someone down. It feels horrible, but it happens. I expect your parents too have made plenty of mistakes and have their own regrets.