This is a first. I’m sitting in the dark, if it weren’t for the glow of my phone’s screen. Pathetic, is it not? The age we live in. Specifically 4:46am in the wilderness that is upstate New York. This place is devoid of all things meant to nourish – as a life long denizen it’s cruel atmosphere is taking it’s harsh toll on me. Too many thoughts, too many restless nights….the cold air has entered my mentality and is stifling all that may prosper. I lay here contemplating attempt #3. I have given up yet again. It’s been 6 years since my last failed attempt. Third time’s a charm, anyone? Since then, I’ve battled therapy, medication, drug abuse and the most intense fucking boredom I’ve ever faced. There is no such thing as satisfaction, it’s a farce, an idea that we entertain to keep ourselves sidelined. Banality. Has. Suffocated. Me.