Two months ago I posted on here that I was going to kill myself in my bathtub as a retirement present to my dad, so he wouldn’t have to deal w a terrible daughter any more. I tried to jump off a bridge, but I chickened out. I went home to my drunken fiancee, the kid I’m going to ruin, called my dad that resents me, and promised them and myself I’d get better.
A month later my abusive drunken fiancee decided to hurt me in front of our son. Ironically, I begged him not to kill me. I haven’t spoken to him in a month, its strange. It’s dawning on me that my son doesn’t have a real dad, he has a drug addict sperm doner that managed to stick around for a few years.
Now my dad has taken on all of my bills and childcare needs although he is retired, so that I can finish college. Now I’m an even bigger burdon on him. He’s so mean and everything I do is wrong.
My whole life is wrong.
Everything ive done has been wrong.
I was given every chance I could have needed to be successful, but theres something wrong with me.
I’ve tried to get help, I’ve looked to therapy, to school, to myself, to friends, to men, to my parents, to god, to tv gurus, to drugs… There really is nothing for me.
I hope there is. I hope I can make it through and be there for my son, but I’m so messed up it hurts to make it through an hour.
Please help.
7 comments
I no what ur going throught and all i Have to say is think about ur son
You don’t need to suffer anymore. Be there for your son and show him how much you care. Make an impact on his life. Show your dad you can fend for your son and yourself. Try taking positive out looks on life. I’m not sure about your fiancee. You don’t need to be hurt. All men are not the same. I’m almost positive there is someone out there for you and your son that can support you. Don’t think of giving up. Just strive for your son.
The thing is I can’t fend for myself. I could if it was just me, but I can’t raise a kid with NO help. It’s impossible, not until he’s old enough to start school. Every time I hit a low point I’m convinced its the lowest possible, but there’s always something deeper.
Wish I could give up some type of possitive advice. But I know just how u feel.. Not being able to care for your son your self..I haven’t seen my daughter in months because I’m so fucked up in the head..don’t know wich way to go..her birthday in june I might just go pay her avisit then off my self. If I can’t improve her life..I might as well be gone.
lilielies, did you post and delete it? I think I saw it… about your daughter’s mom being a *****?
No that wasn’t me I havnt deleted any posts
Oh my.. you are in a mess.. first thing you need to never look back to your sons father no matter what, it never gets better it only gets worse… I have been there, trust me, he is not worth it….your father is prolly being hard on you because he sees that and is trying everything he knows to help you, even though its not his “problem” Im sure he cares very much about you and wants to see you thrive, or he wouldnt do the things he does to help you. Take advantage of his offerings and finish college. Its the best chance you have for you and your son. Dont ever let anyone tell you your not good enough or worth it! Be strong stay focused on the important things… its your life… dont let ANYBODY stand in your way… go after what you want and MAKE it yours! Be Strong… I wish you all the luck my friend…its tough..i wont even lie. But you have to. nobodys gonna do it for you.