Two months ago I posted on here that I was going to kill myself in my bathtub as a retirement present to my dad, so he wouldn’t have to deal w a terrible daughter any more. I tried to jump off a bridge, but I chickened out. I went home to my drunken fiancee, the kid I’m going to ruin, called my dad that resents me, and promised them and myself I’d get better.
A month later my abusive drunken fiancee decided to hurt me in front of our son. Ironically, I begged him not to kill me. I haven’t spoken to him in a month, its strange. It’s dawning on me that my son doesn’t have a real dad, he has a drug addict sperm doner that managed to stick around for a few years.
Now my dad has taken on all of my bills and childcare needs although he is retired, so that I can finish college. Now I’m an even bigger burdon on him. He’s so mean and everything I do is wrong.
My whole life is wrong.
Everything ive done has been wrong.
I was given every chance I could have needed to be successful, but theres something wrong with me.
I’ve tried to get help, I’ve looked to therapy, to school, to myself, to friends, to men, to my parents, to god, to tv gurus, to drugs… There really is nothing for me.
I hope there is. I hope I can make it through and be there for my son, but I’m so messed up it hurts to make it through an hour.