whots wroung with me ?

i remember when my uncle died,I couldn’t believe how much i cried. it was like this intense choking emotion,my eyes were literally chapped from all of my tears. i was grateful when he finally passed because he had been in so much pain for so long,and I know he’s in heaven now and isn’t suffering,but the wave of grief that literally took me under was like a tidal wave.it was unbearable,even though I thought I was ready for it when he passed away. I knew it was for the best because he had been suffering for so long,but that didn’t make it hurt any less when he died. grief is sometimes a strange thing. you can be completely numb,and not feel anything during traumatic events,and then be absolutely devastated on a sunday afternoon in the grocery store 6 months later because the cost of milk has gone up 30 cents,and it finally pushes you over the edge.i’m here if you ever need to talk okay? i know cutting is a terrible addiction,my best friend struggled for years with it. have you ever tried to get help to quit? for me(i’m a recovering anorexic) i have to deal with my feelings and not surpress them anymore. i used to be afraid of them because they were so overwhelming,but i’m learning to cope better,and if i have to cry about something,i let myself,and get it all out. i journal and try and find the root cause of what i’m feeling instead of letting my ed be my “quick fix” solution. because in the end,all it did was hurt me more,because it wasn’t a solution at all. i have to deal with the source of my pain,and that was the key to fighting my eating disorder. what do you think? i know i would just use the ed to numb my pain. is this how you are using the cutting and the drugs? i know it’s a hell of a lot easier to say than to put it into action,i slipped back into my old eating patterns several times and still struggle. but it’s worth it to fight back. life on the other side,when you can enjoy the little things,like hanging out with friends or family,or watching your favorite tv show,or reading a good book,taking a class(do you have any passions? my friend who struggled with cutting loves photography,and she started doing that again and it helped her.) don’t give up-please!! i’m here anytime okay? it is your life-but your life is a gift. i know it doesn’t feel that way-but is there anything like photography that you love? if you can find that beauty in your life,maybe it will help you feel better.