Wicked Games

As expected, i knew I would be posting this. As i type-the constant perfectly worded bbm’s come in and the apologizes come gushing out. But they mean nothing, even when i try to smile and feel the emotion, I just can’t. Im more than just hollow, Im more than just the ice queen-im just ice now. I knew this would happen, didn’t I say that yesterday in another round??? The promises were forgotten by the time the top of the staircase was reached, they were probably forgotten as soon as they left the lips. Now Im sitting here again, another disappointing day. So sick of it. Like this just brings my issues to reality instead of clouding it with a fat philly. I remember when we had great days for biz-we had great days for us. But now its just great days for biz. but the funny part is this isnt your fault-this is mine for not being strong enough to alter things when I could. Playing dumb all day gets you nowhere. but playing smart pretty much gets you to the exact same place. these wicked games we play, i don’t know if you still know your playing them. i feel your trying really hard to notice the issue and change it, but its just not working for me now. this ice is too thick to break through. You use to make me melt with those same msgs now all you do is make me harder. well i guess after all those years of training and discipline, you finally got what you wanted. heartless, hardened and unable to interpret anything but biz and despair.thanks for another day of false hope. it meant the world to me. i guess the up side of this blog is that a part of me actually thought there was a small chance i’d have something else to write about tonight.many sweet dreams, many good nights.