A Living Hell

I am a fifteen year old girl who hates her apperance who would Love to just finally kill herself and get life over with. I am good at hiding my emotions and i am just so so so tired of going on.
i know people lifes are horribly bad but mine is no walk in the park either. My mom sees what she wants my two older sister care but do they care enough? my dad didnt even want me he wanted my second oldest sister. I have been trying to kill myself since 5th grade. this year i was baker acted twice and i have to see a therapist. my doctor does not give a shit about me when he is supposed to. i am on FUCKING medicine that does not work. i am too of a ***** to kill myself and the guy i like is a ***** also. he is just like a girl and it pisses me off but i cant help but like him. i cut myself when life becomes too much and i am sorry this is bad grammer and what not. i am also a worrier and i am clumsy i cant be happy because i am afraid to get hurt i am a FAT UGLY STUPID person i would be happy to die i get made fun of alot i am always fakeing a smile and i want to rip it off my face and show everyone me but i would get made fun of and they will get mad at me i am dani the girl who is supposed to act like eveything is right in the world. i am not supposed to show me because people will be scared of me and will make fun of me and not be my friends anymore i am too raw of a person for people to really like i cause problems for everyone and sure this sound bad sure i dont get beat or i didnt get raped but i might as well have with all these feelings and emotions in my bady and it feels as if i can not type fast enough. i am a bad person right? i feel bad for myself so i am obviously a bad person i feel as if i am going to break down i will type more later