I like walking through my house at night time. Â When everybody else is asleep and there’s an eerie calm that flows through with the darkness to each room. Â I like to think that’s what music would look like. Â Not necessarily colorful and vibrant, as most people would think, just palpable and full of significance and meaning.
The flowing darkness sure has a mind of its own. Â it seeps into every precipice, it fills every hole. Â It doesn’t leave any corner untouched.
Every part of our world has experienced this darkness. Â And yet, sometimes, it feels as though I am the only one who really knows what darkness is. Â I’m the only one whose mind has been penetrated by its slippery, pulsating fingers. Â They’ve pierced my eyes and now all I see is darkness, even in the happiest of situations. Â The creeping black has clouded my smile, and now there is only a dark hole remaining which I do my very best to cover up with nervous, trembling lips. Â The slithering, snaking void has entered my every pore. Â It’s infiltrated my mind to the piont where all of my thoughts are tainted by shadows and poisoned with doubt and fear.
This is my darkness. Â Devoid of sight, sound, and external influence. Â It’s been with me wherever I’ve gone, and now we are one in the same, my darkness and I. Â I act like I own it, but a lot of the time I exist with absence of coherent thought and acceptable intentions. Â I exist as a shell to play host to the darkness as it ebbs and flows through my body, sometimes leaking out into the surrounding air to contaminate another victim. Â It isn’t warm or cold, it doesn’t possess temperature. Â It doesn’t possess anything. Â But I am possessed by it.
This is the shadow on my mind preventing me from thinking clearly and being open to the light that others offer me. Â Where there is the brightest light, there is the darkest shadow. Â That is where I am, that is what’s controlling my mind. Â I am surrounded by love and acceptance and all the things a girl could ask for, and all I know is the shadow in its wake. Â It’s inside of me.