Here I am. In bed. Listening to music. Hoping I get some thought I can keep going on with that hopefully doesn’t involve incest, joining the Army, or anything else that may cause an argument. I just don’t need to argue, I’m ignorant. I just don’t feel that it’s worth it.
I feel bad that my cousin is using me as a role model and I’m in love with her, yet she allows me to remind her constantly and she seems willing to do as I please. I understand I shouldn’t take advantage. I’m merely dwelling on it, no need to talk about that.
I would say how is everybody, but I really don’t care. I have grown to be unaware of too much and just don’t care. Every minute or so, I lose focus on what I want to say at all. I lost all motivation to care about what I wanted to say again.
Maybe it is OCD, maybe I’m bipolar, a bit schizophrenic. I bet I do need to see a psychiatrist or psychologist. Only problem is… I don’t seem to show these thoughts when an opportunity other than texting presents itself upon me to tell someone about this way of thinking or my mental behavior. The way I think only happens when I reflect upon myself or text someone my stupid problems. Maybe it’s my wishing I was crazy overexagerrating my thoughts.
Hopefully I make some sort of sense, since I can’t even pay attention to my own writing at all. Hopefully this can spark up a comment that is good. Actually there’s no reason for you to comment.
I would call a depression hotline thing, but the sense of unfamiliar territory discourages me to go for it. I was going to say more, but I forgot…
13 comments
Too much thinking is bad for the brain. Seen any good movies lately?
I dont know about good comments but i swear i do the same thing(in regard to leaking feelings when i text and ONLY when i text) Thats why i no longer text as much. I know you said you would ask how we are but you dont care. Im gonna tell you anyway though. My day was shitty(excuse my french). How was yours and what are you doing today? Seems to me like you wanna talk but dont wanna bother people too much and it seems like you dont care about things as a defense mechanism..but then again im not a good judger of people..in fact im terrible lol 🙂
Nope haven’t gone to the movies in forever. Neither have I gotten pirated movies. I’ve been boring lately…
@Rain Alicia: That seems pretty muching summing it up, I’m not certain about anything anyways so it’s very much plausible. My day yesterday was boring and monotonous and today hasn’t started in California. My mom wants me to ge to legoland, but the rides suck there. They’re lucky it hasn’t closed down yet.
Heh, know what you mean about being boring lately. Well try to find somethin’ to occupy yourself, game or movie or book or something… one thing that it seems most people have in common here is bad thoughts come when they’re sitting idle.
Bah, hard to show your feelings especially when 99% of the time you’re working hard to keep them concealed. Hope you can sort out your thoughts.
If you feel that some doctor diagnosing you or talking on the hotline would help, even a bit, I’d try it out. What have you got to lose?
As for the focus thing and writing, meh just write what comes to mind. We’ll puzzle it out, stuff doesn’t always come out of our head in the most ordered or meaningful way.
G’luck.
Oooh score! 🙂 yeah legoland sounds pretty lame. Ive never gone though haha. I live in Florida so theres a bunch of other themeparks to waste my money and time on 🙂 Oh and dude try to have a better day today. Get on netflix and watch some movies or go to one of Cali’s famous beaches? OR text someone(now would be the time to not care about their feelings) i know it sounds cruel but it seems like you need to vent and friends should listen to you at least alittle 🙂 Cheer up..please. You seem really depressed..smile..not just like this —> 🙂 but like this —–? (^_^)
I’ve texted plenty of people and told them my whole life story. I’ve even overexagerrated by saying my dad was… IS the antichrist. I’ve gotten tired of venting to others when that doesn’t even help me get through. I can vent to you guys and it won’t help. Maybe it’s that I’m lonely. I don’t know. I talk to this girl from Alabama that has fallem for me and makes me smile when I text her. I talk sweetly to her, but she’s in Alabama and I’m in California. I want to ask her out, but the distance and I’m in love with my cousin. The problem with my cousin is she’s my cousin and doesn’t feel the same. I am horrible at talking, especially with braces now. Venting to you tonight will only get me through tonight and I really don’t want to be the boring OSPer thay keeps repeating his problems as if they would go away and feel better forever or something.
The problem with me is I gave up a long time ago. My motivation for most things is gone. If anything requires work, then I fail at it. That’s how I haven’t even made an attempt to kill myself. It’s good that I’m safe, but like I said before (and may be quoted by a SPer on here) “Boredom can’t kill, but can make you go insane…” and that is more probable… Now I don’t care what I was saying or going to say. Maybe it’s short term memory and I’m saying I don’t care because it’s too much work to try to remember what I forgot, and that could be linked to ADHD, since I can’t pay attention to shit and get distracted… -__-
Would you believe I actually got a warning from my internet provider about downloading movies. Didn’t even occur to me that I was doing anything wrong.
I gotta jet now but Rogue, I’m glad you didn’t top yourself 🙂
Top? Oh yes I know. Aight see you…
Goodnight one_day
Well i dont mind being vented to and will gladly be vented to every night. I know how it feels to be lonely. Im glad youve found someone that you like in Alabama. Thats awesome. Its a bummer that she’s so far though =/ I find it interesting that youre in love with your cousin…maybe and im probably pretty wrong, but maybe you arent in love with her..maybe you respect her..alot. It seems like you think its wrong to be in love with her so thats probably where im getting that maybe it isnt love. Maybe you like her alot and feel a strong sense of wanting to be close to her and protect her. Ive always been the weirdo thats liked braces 🙂 Cause im a weird weirdo. haha, No one here cares that you repeat your problems..i know i dont. This place IS for venting and for posting whatver is on your mind. It isnt your fault if the same things are on your mind every night and day. It just means that you need to show some kind of emotion to whats happening. It seems to me like you have a hard time recognizing and conveying your feelings so you resort to not caring..which would make it easier to forget about your feelinjgs..wouldnt it? 🙂
No I’ve fallen in love before. Everyone just says the same thing,” its illegal, wrong immoral taboo and everyone will hate both me and her if we commit anything incest-like so in other words I’m fucked if i like my cousin in any way. I have intense feeling for my cousin. I find her absolutely amazing in every single way. It’s not liking her or something. I was heartbroken for 3 years before this love for my cousin and it was for a girl named Nycolle and I was madly in love for her. She rejected me and the sense of rejection almost killed me. I’m lucky I haven’t gone insane, it’s in a way traumatized me… Fuck it its not traumatizing. I just dont wanna be heartbroken again like that or else I will make sure I die quickly. I won’t care if it’s painful.
I recently got introduced to the idea of performing oral on her and since I’ve been horny as a teenage dude I really wanted to do it especially cuz itight make us more intimate but I dismissed it after all the SPers on my other post discouraged it in my last post. I’m madly in love with my cousin and I can’t be with someone else when I’m thinking about the significant other. It just feels wrong.
And anyways the distance is the problem. I was hoping to travel to her when I hit 18 and maybe get my liscense and some money to visit her, but thags
No I’ve fallen in love before. Everyone just says the same thing,” its illegal, wrong immoral taboo and everyone will hate both me and her if we commit anything incest-like so in other words I’m fucked if i like my cousin in any way. I have intense feeling for my cousin. I find her absolutely amazing in every single way. It’s not liking her or something. I was heartbroken for 3 years before this love for my cousin and it was for a girl named Nycolle and I was madly in love for her. She rejected me and the sense of rejection almost killed me. I’m lucky I haven’t gone insane, it’s in a way traumatized me… Fuck it its not traumatizing. I just dont wanna be heartbroken again like that or else I will make sure I die quickly. I won’t care if it’s painful.
I recently got introduced to the idea of performing oral on her and since I’ve been horny as a teenage dude I really wanted to do it especially cuz itight make us more intimate but I dismissed it after all the SPers on my other post discouraged it in my last post. I’m madly in love with my cousin and I can’t be with someone else when I’m thinking about the significant other. It just feels wrong.
And anyways the distance is the problem. I was hoping to travel to her when I hit 18 and maybe get my liscense and some money to visit her, but thats a long term goal and I moght not make it to then. Since my inability to try hard impairs me, and also it’s too far away. I can’t work towards it with a motivation, since my motivation fades within 2 weeks, maybe just one day. I need a current goal that I want to get to.
I also explained that I wanna join the army and fight for the thrill of war, not that patriotic bullshit or fighting for the people or country or some crap. I am fascinated by militaristic weaponry and always wanted to fire one. Even if that means killing another human, it is going to happen soon. I would hope that I go insane at war rather than hurt myself or someone else in the US, especially if I spend many nights bored and slowly going insane. If you tell yourself your going insane every day, the. How long until it happens.
You haven’t lost your mind if you think you lost your mind, insanity makes you lose your ability to reason, so you won’t realise you’re insane when you’re insane. Maybe that’s why its taking me so long. I keep saying I’m going insane…
I have spent much time on gory sites watching videos and pictures of death, murder and torture, hoping I can make myself psychologically resilient to gore, but instead messed my head up even more. I even laugh at someone saying a family member died. I don’t find it sad that someone died, maybe I’m open to death since I’m hoping I die too…