drunk and ugh.

I hate being alone all the time.  Especially now.  I’m kind of drunk, so I’m actually kind of in a good mood.  Well, good might be a bit of an overstatement, but it’s like I can pretend to be okay and I just wish there was someone to hang out with me and be silly drunk with.   Bonus points if they’re a cute girl I can make out with.  Haha.

I miss having friends.  Real friends.  Even if one of my (so-called) friends called me right now, it still wouldn’t be the same.  I haven’t seen them a long time. Or even really talked to them.  I’m not sure if I can relate to them anymore.  I’m not sure if I can really relate to anyone normal anymore.  I know some people might consider being called normal an insult, and while I do enjoy some of my abnormalities, I don’t enjoy this one.  In terms of mood and mental functioning, I wish I were normal.  I feel like I can’t relate to anyone who has never wished to be dead.  We belong to different worlds.  How am I supposed to care about school, to have ambitions for the future, to even care about anything at all when I just want to be dead?