So, I’ve never kidded myself about my life, or in this case, death. I’m not concerned with proving to myself I matter to someone, and I’m not just being a drama Queen. I’m not doing this because of aÂ high schoolÂ romance or because my Daddy won’t get me a newÂ Ferrari What I feel isn’t really even sadness or anger. In fact, I rarely even talk to anyone about my problems, and most people think I’m anÂ optimist.
I just feel an unbearable blankness bearing down on me all the time. Knowing that I am nothing. My grades have dropped, and I can feel people’s expectations of me dropping, but I can’t explain to them why. It feels like any hopes or dreams I had of a future have been wiped clean, now I can’t possibly imagine existing for one more day. It feels like all my colors, everything that made me what I am have leaked out of me, and I don’t know what to do with what’s left. I feel like my only choice is to try and die, before I fade away completely.
And that’s it. I can die with what I have, or fade into nothing. I don’t know who I am anymore, and the thing I’ve changed into I hate. I’m sick of greys, I want my colors back, and this is the only way to do it.