I know i dont have a awful life infact my life is pretty good lots of people would probaly trade but to me it is nothing. I feel nothing, empty , useless,forgotten. I feel all these things but yet i know if i would just open my door and go out of my room and tell someone how i fell i could probaly get someone to care. I wont tell though i know they wont understand. My mom got remarried and in this new family i have their is always compatition and judgement. i feel bad about myself all the time i just hate me i want to tell I a can talk myself out of telling peoplehow i feel so easily. When i get upset i go to my room to be alone i cry until i just feel nothing i decide im going to tell someone so i never have to feel like this again but i after i cry i feel slightly better i start to feel stupid and like i should just get over it and toughen up. i do this so often. i am not saying i dont have a good life at school i have friends i can laugh and enjoy my self but the second i get home and am not surrounded by people who are laughing or need my help for their own problems i get sad i think about how my mom has almost completly forgot about me and now has a new favorite kid my older step sister or how everyoen in my family luvs and thinks my cousin will do better than me. these thoughts hit hard and cause me to feel anger towards every one who could probaly be helping me i just isolate my self i feel so alone. i have been suicidal lately i think about it sometime the only thing that keeps me from doing it is that people will judge me my friends at school only know be as that girl who laughs and smiles constinly i have never told any of them they have their own problems. and my family would say i was dramtic or just need to appreciate what i have. i am too afraid to cut i hate blood i just want to go away to never have to face the judgment of my family and people at school im not exactilly skinny i have low self essteem. when someone tells me a complament i dont hear it i just worry about what every one else is thinking i want to get away from knowing tht my future probaly wont be what i want it to be and that im never going to fully happy i cant remember the last time i was happy at home. i know i dont have a bad life but then why do i feel so lost lonely and depressed all i want is to be happy but i just cant.