I just want to die. I don’t care about life.
Heartbreak hurts. It’s the worst feeling in the world. Whenever I feel scared or embarassed I just want to run to my ex but she doesn’t love me so I hide. Today something embarassing happened and I wanted her to make me feel ok, but I can’t.
Everyone says that I should just move on an find someone else. I want to but I don’t, I want her to love me and be with me but I don’t want to feel the pain anymore. I just want to let it go.
Like I said, I just want to die..
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I feel the same about my ex in how I want to go and be comforted by him whenever something bad happens, which is often. Even though we broke up in September, I still want to both get over him and get back with him. I know I shouldn’t want to get back together with him because he was a total jerk and was constantly insulting me and well physically abusing me. I felt and feel better now that it’s over, but now I also don’t have anyone who I can go to. Please don’t kill yourself though…. I’m not going to try and comfort you with words like “you’ll find someone better” or “you’ll get over it”. I just want you to know this. It’ll be alright. Believe me. To me, it sound like you need someone to say that to you, even if you don’t really believe it. Wanting to die is, I suppose, natural when you break up with someone that you really liked. But doing it would take away the chance that you would ever possibly get back together and have a better relationship, or that you would even achieve even one of your dreams. So please. Live.
Although its hard, try to stay positive- things will get better eventually, even if that seems impossible at the moment. NOTHING is ever worth taking your own life.
I understand how you feel completely. I’ve been there before and it sucks. It sucks so much but you know what? This is life and it happens. I’ve almost ended my life over someone I thought I loved but I took a good look in the mirror and decided “This won’t solve ANYTHING”. If you were to kill yourself and end your life forever you would be dying WITH the pain not leaving it behind and you will gain MORE pain by making this huge mistake. So my advice to you is this: Cry your tears and pain all away because in the end you’ll realize this wasn’t worth killing yourself over.
@emotionlessandlost
But we planned our life together. We planned how may kids we wanted, what to name them, what jobs we wanted, where we were going to live, designed our own house. We did everything together. I guess that’s why it hurts so much.. Or the fact that she still calls me and talks to me. Everyone says I shouldn’t be friends with her anymore and stay away from her but I don’t want to. I hurts to much to just leave her.
@Tay4289
No, you don’t understand completely. Unless you’ve lived my life just as I did, you really don’t.
I see myself dying in my dreams, and I don’t see pain. I see a peaceful body smiling, because it’s finally free.
My ex imagines herself dying and can’t stand the pain I’m in. I’m the only reason she has yet to kill herself. She hates to see me in pain, she’s had dreams that she woke up from crying because she see’s me in pain. She started crying when I asked her “What would you do if I got in an accident and became immobile from the neck down?” and she answered “I’ll die with you.” as tears ran down her cheeks.
How do you walk away from a person like that?
I think in order to lose emotional attachment you need to resent the thing that’s making you feel this way. It’s when people lie to you, that’s when your mind becomes confused. You should be pleased that she saved you from a life time of misery. Now you just need to hold tight for a few months and have absolutely no contact with her. I know about these things.
I have been in the coroners court (incidentally the oldest court in England) in relation to an inquest where a young man was found to have committed suicide. He had a similar story. Naturally, these are not adversarial proceedings and the purpose of it is to extract information in the way the family understand. Just ask yourself this. Is it really worth your mum sitting on the back row crying when the answers to the questions are that her son left her all alone?
Umm. Well I’m a girl. So, right off the bat, not only did my ex and I plan everything together but we over came so many obstacles just by being together. And I can’t even go a week without taking to her let alone months! I’d die.
And I doubt my mother would care, if she did she’d come home once in a while.
Your a girl! This doesn’t make sense because your talking about having kids with a girl. This is self contradictory.
Oh. I get it. Sorry.
I don’t think planning a future together makes a relationship any special. Times change. People change. Et cetera. Besides she doesn’t love you so it’s best not to waste time dwelling on the past. Look to the future instead.
Basically you walk away when the person you love doesn’t give a damn about you anymore. Whatever. I don’t know your whole story.
There’s adoption. It’s not that complicated.
But what makes me confused is that she DOES love me. She tells me she feels like a fool for letting me go.
Okay. So how come she hasn’t gotten back together with you yet? Probably playing games with you only for the fun of being pursued & boosting her ego. Mweh. Ask her straight up, “HEY! IF YOU LOVE ME THEN YOU WOULD BE WITH ME RIGHT NOW!!” or something less dramatic~ I don’t know the circumstances/details or why it’s so difficult for her to clarify the situation so it’ll make it less painful/confusing for you. Maybe you two chicks can sit down and talk?
She says she did it because she’s fighting my battles for me but whatever. I’m thinking of ending mylife soon anyways.
I’m just a stupid pathetic low life that I’d worthless.
I dunno….maybe she was tired of watching you hurt yourself? I know that it is hard to watch someone you love suffer….especially when they appear to be causing it themselves with their thoughts….so you sometimes have to put some distance in to save yourself….maybe that is all it is…and if you work on yourself? …who knows…but if you don’t…well we all know how that story ends now don’t we?
Namaste
Amakua
I don’t know. I never hurt myself when we were together. She hurt herself. And told me that she wanted to die because her mom treated her so horribly. That’s why when we graduate high school I was going to steal her and live together but it was just a stupid dream.
I’m just going back to being my fucked up self and not care about anyone else anymore.
Isn’t it enough that you kept her alive to continue to grow? And is she doing better herself…or is she just tired of you trying to save her…or is she emotionally immature? or how damaged is she? So many questions…but because you are here…so are you damaged….maybe instead of giving up…focus more on helping yourself and not by getting distracted by your wants and desires…the other. Does it always have to be all or nothing for you? Just curious. And what have you learned about yourself in this relationship? how could you have been better for yourself…and hence for your other?
I know…lots of questions…but I do care…I know wierd
Amakua
I don’t think she emotionally immature because she’s really wise but she can have some childish moments that are just really stupid! And I hate it when she’s like that!
She’s pretty damaged. Not physically but emotionally. Her mom went pshyco, called the cops to arrest her and placed her in a mental institution for 72 hours. And her alcoholic father left her family when she was nine but then he went to AA meetings and now she lives with him.
I am very damaged. My life has been hell. If you read my first post you’ll find out SOME of it put not all, not yet.
Well, not always all or nothing because I want it to be, just because that’s how my life has always been.
I’ve learned not to love. I don’t care about anyone else but me now.
Well that’s a darn shame…cuz I am coming at this from the opposite direction…I never had, understood or wanted love…in the beginning…so for me…I really couldn’t care less…my life has been about learning about love and learning to love…especially myself…and I’m not done yet by any means…but I’m done giving up…I can’t seem to kill myself…so I just have to figure out how to live, learn, love and laugh again….that is all…lol…easy order eh?….but a shame that you had love and have now given up…that means that you don’t love or value yourself…and that is a shame….you are more valuable than you give yourself credit for.
Namaste
Amakua
The only thing I’ve learned really well is how to hide the scars.
I don’t value myself whatsoever. I’m just nothing. I’m stupid and worthless. Always have been.
How do you hide the scars? I cant.
I wear button up shirts all the time so the sleeves hide them. And my thick brackets hide them too. I cut my wrists, arms, legs, fingertips, hands, stomach. The hardest to hide are the wrists for obvious reasons. But, yea, I just use long sleeves. And uncaring parents doesn’t hurt.
im so sorry…I care…..May I ask? How old u r? im 53 with COPD which is a lung disease and other stuff going on also. Uncaring selfish parents….yea i know about that……
I’m 17. I have chronic depression, anxiety, insomnia, bipolar disorder, and OCD.
what are u missing, that if u had, wud make things better in ur life? I eventually gave into meds, ive had problems in the past with abusing coke n meth, alcohol(still do)pot(still do) and cigs (still do). I am a relapsing / recovering addict over n over n over…..so the meds keep the lid on a boiling pot, but do not keep the pot from boiling over, have tried more as dr suggested n friggin zombied out! so thats not happening so the spinning continues…..so the meds have helped me ‘push’ back the inevietable, a massive mental breakdown…wat can i do for you? i have been a caregiver for 20yrs, EVERY one of us on here have a personnal choice about our lives…respect , acceptance, and LOVE for one another is needed in each and every one’s decisons/choices that we make for ourselves…
The thing I’m ‘missing’ in my life is someone that actually cares about me. No one does really. I want someone that will climb through my window when I don’t go to school to see what’s wrong with me. I want someone that will answer the phone at 3 am just to listen to me crying. I want someone who will drop everything they have just to make sure I’m ok. But I also someone who will run to me when they can’t stand the pain anymore. I don’t want them to hide anything from me.. I just feel so empty inside.. The drugs don’t help. They help, until I’m sober again. Then the pain comes back. The alcohol just gives me hangovers. I’m failing school because I just stopped caring.
I don’t want to love my ex anymore. I want to tell myself that I don’t care. And I want to mean it. I want to be over her and done with her. If she doesn’t love me then why do I still love her..? Why doesn’t anyone love me..?
I wish i cud talk to you…knew where you are…just knew you…bcuz i wud b there in a heartbeat. No shit. Im 53 i dont shit ppl…..i dont know how to contact ppl privately on here, can we do that? I want to follow the rules, i shud read them ill b back dont leave… plz….i no privacy is the utmost importance on this site… and RESPECT… I TOTALLY understand about the drugs and alcohol, i myself am a relapsing/recoving addict, repeatedly…i have been for years …picking myself up, brushing myself off, and getting on with the day, but not until i came upon this site did i know i had ppl who understood me, where i cud say anything i want and not b judged, and that in itself extends my existance…..
I think you seem like a very smart girl, I already like you because you are strong enough and obviously are confident enough to share your sexuality which I know from experience can be hard for people to share. I think right now your at a low point in life, but there will be better days.
Recently one of my good friends committed suicide and I am a freakin train wreck about it but I try my best to be positive. I have come to the conclusion that taking the easy way out isn’t fair. Not fair to your family or friends or ex or the future children you may adopt or any of the life’s that you have the potential to change.
Everyone is beautiful because of there individuality, because of there differences. You are an individual, the easy way out cancels out every good feature you have, don’t be that weak girl, you are stronger than that, your better than that. I barely know you but i get the idea you are accustomed to pain? As am I. But I promise better days are coming for you, just be strong enough to hold on ad wait for them.
sweetheart~ being realistic about life and how it affects us is a good coping mechanism that a counselor advised me about, ACCEPTANCE of others, ALL others , there r sources out there, like this site, where we can “take care” of our own… I will always support everyones feelings on here, in return, i will get support from this site and the ppl on it…ppl on here havent heard the last of Maibri…not yet…i have finally found my “niche”….
Sorry I took so long I was busy with school.
I’m used to the pain, I’ve felt it all my life. I just get tired if it. When I was younger I thought my purpose in life was just to take away everyone else’s mystery and hold it in myself. I was just an outlet to keep things sane. That is as long as I was sane. But nobody cared for me, I didn’t expect them to though. I had to raise myself, my brother, and now I have to practically raise my mother. I don’t care about pain anymore. It’s all the same. Cutting, abuse, fights. It doesn’t hurt me anymore.
I don’t care about acceptance. I don’t need it. If people don’t like me, I don’t care. Lots of people don’t like me. I have about 2 friends anyway. And I don’t even talk to them on a daily basis. So I practically have no friends. I don’t care. I open my mouth and I piss off at least half my school every day.
If I die, the first to notice (besides the people I live with) would be my English teacher. It’s sad but I feel like she cares for me better than my own mother.