i’m only fifeteen..

it’s sad to think i’m only fifeteen and i have tried to kill myself two times. yes two times. my mom found me both times, in the bathroom. In seventh grade i lost my best friend to suicide, i just wanted to see her. so i thought if i cut deeper i would bleed out. i passed out and i woke up in the hospital. they gave me pills for depression and i had to go to therapy. the second time i tried to i almost OD on pills i found in my moms room, i couldn’t get the bottle open and i was screaming and crying. my mom walked in and grabbed me and the bottle and threw it on the bed. i was  crying so hard and i was so mad she took the bottle. since then i had help and what not and everything was going well. i had a boyfriend, my family who loved me, and friends. but i changed into a person who now haunts me. i can’t even look at myself in the mirror with out being sickened. a lot of people hate me for things i have done and they all make sure they show that they hate me. they message me, say something on Facebook or text me. some people even call on private and say mean things. last night i broke down. i took the pills and stood in my bathroom looking at myself and the bottle crying. i knew i would be missed. but if i died half of srq wouldn’t care. some people would and my family. but i stopped myself because something told me to. i never was a big believer in God but since yesterday, he saved me. he told me to put it down and that i was worth so much. i put the bottle back and went to sleep.  life is going to be okay. i know. and that people will be the way they are. i’m working on changing who i am, and i’m working on becoming strong again. i know i can be strong again. i did it once i can do it again. i will never touch another razor nor a bottle of pills in my life to hurt myself. i have so many people who care about me and i know i’m worth something. i will still have my break down moments but i know i’m strong and i will be okay.