Hi @ all
Firstly I would like to say that I am happy to have found this site.
Talking about me…. where do I start?
I have been suffering depression for most of my life (I guess). My father was a drunk, sexually abusiveÂ and beat my mum and whoever else was in his path. The nightmare ended when I was 12 and they got divorced (good news). Teenage life is never easy – I won’t bore you with it. Got married for the first time when I was 20. Life appeared fine. In the mid 90’s I was pregnant with my first baby, my little daughter was stillborn four weeks before she was due. Pretty much everything took a nose-dive from there. Although falling pregnant again and delivering my baby alive and healthy, my marriage went completely down the pan. Never mind, I managed fine as a single mum. I did not give up and managed to get good qualifications and land a job.
When my child was seven, I met my (now) husband, who is a lovely guy. We had another child, who is now in primary school. Everything lovely, isn’t it? Far from it. Although having been on antidepressants for years, they don’t work for me anymore. There isn’t a day or an hour where I don’t think of ending my life – there is a part of me that appears already dead, it’s hard to describe. One could turn around and say – what is she whinging about? She’s got pretty much everything. I am not disputing that, but that is just my shell. I just cannot break out of this misery. The only thing that is stopping me are my children, I don’t want their memory of mum to be one of she just selfishly left – and put that burden on them. I will end my life one day, but I think I need to wait until my youngest child is grown up, but then again, can I really handle another 12 – 13 years of living this nightmare?