I remember when I was a kid holding a knife to my throat to stop my folks fighting. Â Fast forward to life at 24 and not much internally has changed.
Listing my life’s unfortunate circumstances is pointless, everyone has suffering. Â However, the one constant has that the cumulative sum has all been ‘my fault’. After starting the process 4 years back to improve myself, it seems I’m the only one aware of my progress. Other folks just have shit to so.
Furthermore, when conflict arises and I stick to my reasonable intellect and try to better the energy, it seems like I hurt more than help. I believe strongly in the golden rule, and generally treat others well. I even look at all of this with forgiveness for others, but then I’m superior and holier than thou.
You tell me how I can win this game, Â and I won’t off myself. Â Not like an angry suicide, more like an “OK God, you win.”
At least I’m at peace with my suicide